Originality

I've been thinking for a while about what it means to be original. After watching a movie with friends the other day, we started a discussion about why it seems like every movie made is a sequel, prequel, remake of an old movie, or based on novels, comic books, or even toys (Transformers? Come on...). Are all the good stories told? Have we run out of ideas?

I hear a cry from countless songs, movies, and my own heart for originality. I want things and people to be real. Not faking it. Genuine, down-to-earth, and original. There's a cry for that in the world. It makes me think of a time when, as a teenager, during an intense conversation with my mom, I cried out "I just want to be extraordinary!"

That was a memorable moment for me. I felt so boring as a teenager, and some of those feelings drowned out my creativity. The stories I wrote were copies of stories I'd read - not original - so I gave up writing. And I still struggle with feeling boring at times. Yes, I'm a missionary, but there are thousands of those. I'm part of a cross-cultural marriage, but I'm around people all the time who are married to people from even more different cultures than Danish-American. I'm not that extraordinary.

While we were in England in June and I was hearing so much about God's love and acceptance, I was learning some deep things. Some too deep to share yet. But one of the things that God spoke to my heart so clearly was. "You are special to me." That knowledge is changing so much of how I see myself. But in recent months, Torben and I have started discussing when we want to start a family and to be honest, the thought terrifies me. That would fit me even more into the mold.

After one discussion, I was out for a walk and was praying about it, just struggling through some of these feelings and God spoke so clearly. "Is it enough that I think you are special?" That question has been rolling around in my head for weeks. Is it enough for me that God sees me as special? I think so much about what others think. Whether others think I'm boring or not. Or whether I think I'm boring or not. Is it enough for me to know that my Abba thinks I am special? My honest answer right now is, I don't know. I want it to be. I want to rest in what He thinks. That's where I am with it.

All I know is I'm on a good track. I don't have all this figured out and the thought of being a mother someday (not soon) still scares me, but these are some of my thoughts lately about being original.

Oh, and I've started writing again...