My best friend

Well, it's not too pleasant to be in Kiev these days, but I've certainly made a new best friend. Fans are wonderful lifesavers these days. I'm not a big fan of heat (to say the least) and as the temperature creeps towards 100 Fahrenheit (37 Celsius), I find myself becoming quite attached to my fan (though, don't tell the fan, I would gladly trade it in for air conditioning...)

Who says Ukraine is a cold country?????

Holy Surrender

This is an incredible song that has been working its way into my heart the past few weeks.


Holy Surrender by Aaron Keyes

I've done it again, I've given in
To the very sin that breaks Your heart
Now I return, fix my eyes on You
That's not who I am, not who I am in You

You say I'm Your child, chosen one, and friend
You love me with a love I could never comprehend
You call me a masterpiece, Your poetry
Your holy place, in You, complete

So Lord I give to You all I am in holy surrender
Jesus take my life, make it Yours, I need only remember
Your hands spread that broke bread
Blood shed, You dropped dead
In Your death, I see Your life
Wholly surrendered for me

070707

Torben mentioned the other day that 070707 was coming up and I joked "I wonder if Jesus will come back"

But all day today, I've been thinking about it. What if Jesus came back today? Or tomorrow. All my life, that question has been accompanied by some negative feeling. "Oh, no, I don't want him to" type of thoughts. First it was because I wanted to be kissed first, then it was because I wanted to get married first. But there have also been other thoughts. "I haven't done enough for Him." "He would be disappointed because I don't have it all together yet." "I've still got so much sin in my life, I don't want to go to heaven yet". Those thoughts have always come to mind whenever someone has talked about Jesus' return. I have really hoped that He wouldn't return soon.

But as I thought about it today, I realized that my heart was different when I thought about it. In the past month in England, I began to realize for the first time in my life that Jesus loves me. That I am special to Him. Not in spite of who I am. But as I am, He adores me. He's not waiting for me to get it together before He accepts me. He just does. This month isn't the first time I have heard that (I've been singing Jesus Loves Me since I could speak), but it is the first time it has become real to me. Or maybe it's the first time I have chosen to believe it even though I don't feel particularly lovable. Either way, I know it's true. If He returned today, He would be rejoicing to be with me. How crazy is that. I can't even begin to fathom it.

Returning...

I hadn't realized it had been so long since my last blog!! But once Torben got back from Russia, things went into fast forward and are only now slowing down again.

First stop was the YWAM Festival of the Nations in Hernhutt, Germany. YWAMers from all over Europe were there, and it was really exciting to get a taste of what is going on all over the continent and to get some good teaching. Festivals like that are always a good time, just hanging out with friends, getting to know new people, and learning new things. Oh, of course, and standing in line for food in the rain and using porta-potties. It was cool that Torben got to meet some other Danish YWAMers and hear about what they're doing there.

Since we had a few days after the festival before going to England, we had a few days in Prague. Torben wasn't too happy when I told him Prague just might beat Copenhagen as the most beautiful city I have ever seen. I was just stunned by the beauty of all of the gorgeous architecture. It definitely touched my creative side and made me want to sit down and write a novel :) It was a
really good time for us, hanging out and processing some of what we had heard. For example, I began to see at the Festival how fear has been a huge part of my life for a very long time. Fear of failure, of being alone, of the future, of drawing attention to myself in any way. And because of that fear, I protect myself and therefore can't lean on God to take care of me. And during the time in Prague, just thinking it through, I could begin to see that that's no way to live. And my desire for intimacy with God needs to begin to overwhelm my fear.

I think I'll save the blog about England until I've processed the time there some more, but it was a wonderful time for both Torben and I. And it was absolutely great to be there with Dorothy, one of my closest friends, who happened to be there for a YWAM School of Worship. What a huge blessing to be able to be learning and growing so much and hang out with her at the same time!!