Farm girl

You know it's been a while since your last blog update when your grandparents comment that they haven't read anything new in a while. With all the craziness of life these days, blogging has fallen to the bottom of my priorities, but here I go again!
We've been here in the States for just over two months now. Feels like forever though. We loved seeing the nephews and nieces and catching up with the rest of the family. Of course, catching up with things like Starbucks and Applebees has been great too. We got our car (Hallelujah!) and put it to the test right away driving it from NY to Ohio to Georgia. It passed beautifully. It's a lovely little Nissan Sentra.
After a while of being here and settling into our very nice basement apartment in Marietta, Georgia, reality began to hit that we are not going back to Ukraine and this is our life now. I guess you can say reality is still hitting. Culture shock has hit us like a truck and we are still lying in the road (nice metaphor, eh?). America is very different and our lives here are very different. There are many things I love and many things that drive me crazy. There are times when I miss Ukraine like crazy and other times when I wonder if anywhere will ever feel like home again.
All of this upheaval has gotten me thinking a lot. I find myself struggling with identity stuff again - I'm not a "missionary" anymore. I'm not one of the few Americans among millions of Ukrainians. I'm not a weird "English speaker". I find myself slipping into insecurities I thought were gone. Even at 24, I struggle with trying to see myself as an adult. Maybe that's because I haven't taken the "traditional" route to adulthood I grew up planning on - you know, college, career, marriage, babies, etc. So I've felt disoriented with the whole "adulthood" thing. And I really feel it now that I'm back in America
But then I think about the route that I have taken - a little college, missions work, marriage, international living, and now college again. I think of the lessons I have learned and the ways I have grown. I think of the things God has done in and through me. He's okay with who I am. He doesn't expect me to have it all figured out. My basic identity is being His. How I wish I could remember that day in and day out when my insecurities hit me in the face.
So in the end, it doesn't matter if I feel out of place at school, or if I feel like a small-town farm girl in this city, or if I haven't figured out a non-teenager fashion style, or if I don't feel confident or 100% myself around pastors, professors, parents, or other 45+ year olds. Those are valid emotions and stuff, but the most important is that I know that I know that I know that God is on my side. He is the constant. And I am not alone. Please God, help me remember that.
How's that for the longest blog ever? :)