Auschwitz

We took a short trip to Poland two weeks ago. Torben's parents and sister went there for their summer vacation and since they were so close, Torben and I joined them for 4 days. It was cool to be with them again and to practice my Danish. I'm getting better!!! This was the first time I could actually tell I was getting better. You know, complete sentences, understanding jokes, etc. Okay, my grammar still sucks, but who cares. I can make myself understood more, which helps with the whole relating to the in-laws thing. It was good to visit with them and it was a HUGE relief to the brain to exit Cyrillic land if only for a few days. I never appreciated being able to read street signs until I moved to a country where I couldn't!

During our time in Krakow, Poland, we took a day trip to Auschwitz - the biggest Nazi concentration/extermination camp. I have never experienced anything so chilling and sobering before. We were part of a tour, and our guide was really good. He told a lot of horrifying facts, but he wasn't trying to pull heart strings or crying as he did. The things we saw brought up enough emotions as it was. We actually stood inside a gas chamber, looking up at the holes in the ceiling where they dropped in the poisonous gas.

At the first part of the camp, where they kept mostly political prisoners (Poles, Russians, etc.), I was surprised because the buildings were brick and looked just like normal dorms or something. Then, we went to the much bigger part and I saw the horrible little buildings I had heard about.

The most chilling thing for me was to see a small amount of the things that the Nazis took from the prisoners upon arrival at the camp. We saw collections of thousands of shoes, empty suitcases, glasses, pots, even human hair. One of the empty suitcases had "Jeanette" written on it. Very chilling.

Besides the very natural feelings of horror and sadness I had that day and the days following, I also have thought a lot about forgiveness, the capability of each human to become a monster no better than the Nazis, and the grace of God that saves us from that. I know, nice and light topics :) I'm still processing it weeks later. I am glad to have experienced it, even though it was tough emotionally.

Originality

I've been thinking for a while about what it means to be original. After watching a movie with friends the other day, we started a discussion about why it seems like every movie made is a sequel, prequel, remake of an old movie, or based on novels, comic books, or even toys (Transformers? Come on...). Are all the good stories told? Have we run out of ideas?

I hear a cry from countless songs, movies, and my own heart for originality. I want things and people to be real. Not faking it. Genuine, down-to-earth, and original. There's a cry for that in the world. It makes me think of a time when, as a teenager, during an intense conversation with my mom, I cried out "I just want to be extraordinary!"

That was a memorable moment for me. I felt so boring as a teenager, and some of those feelings drowned out my creativity. The stories I wrote were copies of stories I'd read - not original - so I gave up writing. And I still struggle with feeling boring at times. Yes, I'm a missionary, but there are thousands of those. I'm part of a cross-cultural marriage, but I'm around people all the time who are married to people from even more different cultures than Danish-American. I'm not that extraordinary.

While we were in England in June and I was hearing so much about God's love and acceptance, I was learning some deep things. Some too deep to share yet. But one of the things that God spoke to my heart so clearly was. "You are special to me." That knowledge is changing so much of how I see myself. But in recent months, Torben and I have started discussing when we want to start a family and to be honest, the thought terrifies me. That would fit me even more into the mold.

After one discussion, I was out for a walk and was praying about it, just struggling through some of these feelings and God spoke so clearly. "Is it enough that I think you are special?" That question has been rolling around in my head for weeks. Is it enough for me that God sees me as special? I think so much about what others think. Whether others think I'm boring or not. Or whether I think I'm boring or not. Is it enough for me to know that my Abba thinks I am special? My honest answer right now is, I don't know. I want it to be. I want to rest in what He thinks. That's where I am with it.

All I know is I'm on a good track. I don't have all this figured out and the thought of being a mother someday (not soon) still scares me, but these are some of my thoughts lately about being original.

Oh, and I've started writing again...