Jeannette's Randomness

Passionate

2009-02-15T14:49:00.003-05:00

Kinda forgot about my blog for the last couple of months but here I am again!

A few weeks ago, Torben and I went through an "Intro to Marietta Vineyard" course at our church, learning about what the church is about and seeing if we're on the same page with them. It was a good day and good to hear about the core values of the church. At the end of the course, we were writing about our weaknesses and strengths. The first question was "If you had to describe yourself in one word, what would that word be?" I didn't have to think long and quickly wrote down "Passionate". After a few more questions, I got curious and looked over at Torben's paper to see what he wrote. Imagine my surprise and pleasure when I saw that he had also written "Passionate". He assures me that he didn't cheat off of my answer.
We've had several conversations since then about what that means to us. I know in movies or through the conversations I hear at school that most people associate that word with sex. But I think it's much more than that. It's a way of living. Not being satisfied with mediocre anything - wanting to do things 100%. For me, that desire has often turned into an unhealthy perfectionism and God is working on that in me, but I think the desire to live a passionate life is not bad. I love people deeply, I hunger for God passionately, and I want life to be extraordinary.
Fear and self-preservation has often held me back from living passionately. But as I am growing in knowing who I truly am in Christ and knowing how He feels about me, I am learning to step out and live life passionately and to the fullest.

"The brave may not live long, but the cautious never really live." - Princess Diaries :)

He gets it (Immanuel)

2008-12-19T17:25:00.002-05:00

Christmas is a funny holiday. It's about cookies and trees and stockings and eggnog and beautiful decorations all over the place. It's about traditions and songs and family fun/craziness. All this to celebrate Jesus' birth. I love all of it. Each year I enjoy the fun of putting up decorations and making cookies. At some point, I actually think about the deeper meaning of Christmas and it seems that each year there is a different emphasis in the Christmas story for me. Last year I thought a lot about Mary and her faith.
This year I'm thinking about the whole Immanuel thing. God with us. To me, the phrase "He gets it" sums it up really well. My life has been absolutely crazy this year. It's been exciting and tiring and fun and lonely all at the same time. I was sad to leave Ukraine and really excited to start school at Kennesaw. Seems like life has been a real roller coaster for me. In the midst of it, God has sent lots of reminders that He is with me. I'm not alone.
He gets it. He came to die for our sins, yes, but also he lived. Here on this earth where people hurt each other all the time, where people leave, get sick, or die. Here where he could stub his toe or get a cold or lose a friend. He gets it. Our pain is not a mystery to Him. I've often felt lonely or out of place in America. He gets that. He must have felt really out of place sometimes down here. I've had to watch friends make terrible, self-destructive decisions. That had to have happened to Him. He gets it. He became a human being with all of the problems that being human brings. That's how much He loves us. He can relate to our struggles and temptations because He lived it, not just because He's God and He knows everything. That is what has touched me the most this holiday season. He is Immanuel. He is with me. He gets it.
Merry Christmas everyone!

Fish

2008-12-19T17:12:00.002-05:00

My poor fish died a few weeks ago and I thought he deserved honorable mention on my blog. My poor little fish named Fish

My mother

2008-11-26T13:36:00.002-05:00

I always get thoughtful this time of year. Not only is it Thanksgiving and therefore time to think about all I'm thankful for, but November 26th is the day my mom died. Today marks 13 years ago.
I was only 11 when she died, so many of my memories of her are foggy. I often wish that I remembered more. A few months ago, I was thinking about my parents (all three of them) and about what I have gotten from them. My dad's interest in learning and seeing how things work. My second mom's value of clarity and communication. But I was having a hard time figuring out what I'd gotten from my first mom. So I was praying about it and thinking for a while and I figured a few things out.
I randomly remembered a time when there was a bird's nest outside our living room window and my mom made a big deal out of us going to the window every morning to check on the eggs and then to see the babies. And we were all sad when we saw that the baby birds had left the nest. That sort of thing was classic for my mom. Enjoying the small things in life, whether it was baby birds or crafts or cooking. That is one of the things Torben says he loves about me, too. I enjoy the small things in life. Knitting tiny animals, savoring every bite of a chocolate chip cookie, having all sorts of little projects.
When we were visiting my sister Dana in Ohio, I mentioned to her that I don't like to wear much makeup because my eyes are constantly watering when I wear makeup. That's when Dana told me that our mom was allergic to makeup as well and that I ought to try the kind of makeup she used. I went and bought it and my eyes never water anymore. Simple yes, but it showed me a way that I'm like her...thanks a lot...
Those were a few things about her that I think she has passed on to me. There are probably more and I'm glad I'm still remembering things about her. She was very peaceful and loving and I always felt at ease around her. She was a beautiful person and I still miss her.

Thanksgivings Past

2008-11-20T18:20:00.002-05:00

I'm very excited to be in America for this coming Thanksgiving. It's always been my favorite holiday for many reasons - no stress of finding the right gift for people, good food, lots of games and downtime. I like the fall colors and the food is just wonderful. I was thinking about Thanksgiving and how cool it is that I'm back in America for this holiday and I realized that it's my first Thanksgiving in America since 2002! Six years of non-American Thanksgivings! So here's a review of my Thanksgiving experiences.

Thanksgiving 2003 - Holmsted Manor in England. It was 3 weeks after Torben and I became a couple and I had a lot of fun introducing him to Thanksgiving. It was the middle of our lecture phase of our DTS so we were learning a lot and getting ready to leave just a few weeks later for outreach. Torben wanted to find out the history of Thanksgiving so he took someone's video camera around the Manor and asked the Americans what Thanksgiving is about. He got a variety of answers, some of them crazy...eg. Thanksgiving celebrates the genocide of Indians...um...

Thanksgiving 2004 - Back at Holmsted Manor, but leading this time. My friend Dorothy and I took charge of organizing the Thanksgiving festivities and we had lots of fun! It was a little stressful but still good. It was a few weeks before leading our first outreach. Destination: Ukraine!

Thanksgiving 2005 - Copenhagen, Denmark. We were living there for a few months after we got married. I was a bit depressed to be missing Thanksgiving that year. Without me knowing, Torben talked to his coworker and they organized a Thanksgiving dinner for us. So I had Thanksgiving that year with a whole group of Danes and I got to explain the history of my favorite holiday...and I didn't mention genocide

Thanksgiving 2006 - Zhytomir, Ukraine. We had led an outreach that involved a few weeks in Zhytomir, a smaller city west of Kiev, and we met and became friends with an American girl named Liz. So we arranged for a joint Thanksgiving celebration. Her mom came from America and brought sweet potatoes (they don't grow over there) so we had sweet potato casserole! We ended up with a large group of Americans, Ukrainians, and of course a Dane!

Thanksgiving 2007 - Kiev, Ukraine. I gathered many of the Americans on the YWAM Kiev base and hosted Thanksgiving in our little apartment. That Thanksgiving was the best of all of my foreign Thanksgivings because I really knew all of the people who were there. They were all good friends so it was cozy and a lot of fun. Plus, I made a pumpkin pie from scratch so I was very proud of myself :)

So now, Thanksgiving 2008, we'll be in a cabin in North Georgia with most of my immediate family (the Ohio sisters couldn't make it sadly). And that has been the big thing missing from the past 6 Thanksgivings - my family. That and the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade :) It's going to be great to be with everyone again and get the true American Thanksgiving experience!

Never Again

2008-10-28T11:19:00.002-04:00

I'm in the midst of a research paper for my Human Services class on the topic of Sex Trafficking. Not sure what made me pick that topic, but it has been very interesting to research. Perhaps I chose that topic because Ukraine is one of the top "exporters" of trafficked women and I have Ukraine on my mind a lot these days.
There have been times during the last few weeks that I have gotten sick to my stomach reading some of the articles and studies that have been done on these victims. Horrible stories about women who had been kidnapped or tricked into a life of abuse, rape, and torture. My focus has been on women victims, but I know the stories about trafficked children are even worse. In one article, the researchers had interviewed not only victims, but also traffickers and men who used these prostitutes. The traffickers interviewed had no regrets, but saw themselves as good businesspeople. The men "customers" told horrific stories of what they had done to these women.
After a morning of working on this paper, I got into the car the other day and stuck in a worship CD, needing to be lifted up. Torben and I got the Fourth Circle CD by 100 Portraits (A great CD by the way) and I got to the song "Never Again" and tears came to my eyes. Here are the lyrics

You feel the grieving of the broken and You hold them in Your Hands
And You listen to their prayers
You hear the crying of the orphan and You hold them in Your hands
And You listen to their prayers, their prayers

Wake up God! Move yourself!
Wicked men have crushed Your children
We pray, we wait
How long until You say
Never Again

You see the bruises on the victims and You hold them in Your hands
And You listen to their prayers, their prayers

Wake up God! Move Yourself!
Wicked men have crushed Your children
We pray, we wait,
How long until You say
Never Again

You are King forever and ever
Your kingdom come on down
Just as slow like waters
Wickedness will drown

I loved that song before that day, but after reading all of those stories I found myself crying and wishing God would go ahead and say "Never again!" I know that it is His patience that holds Him back for now, but I do look forward to when He will put an end to the suffering of this lost world.

Farm girl

2008-09-18T21:59:00.000-04:00

You know it's been a while since your last blog update when your grandparents comment that they haven't read anything new in a while. With all the craziness of life these days, blogging has fallen to the bottom of my priorities, but here I go again!
We've been here in the States for just over two months now. Feels like forever though. We loved seeing the nephews and nieces and catching up with the rest of the family. Of course, catching up with things like Starbucks and Applebees has been great too. We got our car (Hallelujah!) and put it to the test right away driving it from NY to Ohio to Georgia. It passed beautifully. It's a lovely little Nissan Sentra.
After a while of being here and settling into our very nice basement apartment in Marietta, Georgia, reality began to hit that we are not going back to Ukraine and this is our life now. I guess you can say reality is still hitting. Culture shock has hit us like a truck and we are still lying in the road (nice metaphor, eh?). America is very different and our lives here are very different. There are many things I love and many things that drive me crazy. There are times when I miss Ukraine like crazy and other times when I wonder if anywhere will ever feel like home again.
All of this upheaval has gotten me thinking a lot. I find myself struggling with identity stuff again - I'm not a "missionary" anymore. I'm not one of the few Americans among millions of Ukrainians. I'm not a weird "English speaker". I find myself slipping into insecurities I thought were gone. Even at 24, I struggle with trying to see myself as an adult. Maybe that's because I haven't taken the "traditional" route to adulthood I grew up planning on - you know, college, career, marriage, babies, etc. So I've felt disoriented with the whole "adulthood" thing. And I really feel it now that I'm back in America
But then I think about the route that I have taken - a little college, missions work, marriage, international living, and now college again. I think of the lessons I have learned and the ways I have grown. I think of the things God has done in and through me. He's okay with who I am. He doesn't expect me to have it all figured out. My basic identity is being His. How I wish I could remember that day in and day out when my insecurities hit me in the face.
So in the end, it doesn't matter if I feel out of place at school, or if I feel like a small-town farm girl in this city, or if I haven't figured out a non-teenager fashion style, or if I don't feel confident or 100% myself around pastors, professors, parents, or other 45+ year olds. Those are valid emotions and stuff, but the most important is that I know that I know that I know that God is on my side. He is the constant. And I am not alone. Please God, help me remember that.
How's that for the longest blog ever? :)

The end in sight...

2008-07-06T02:33:00.003-04:00

We're moving out of our apartment today. Our landlord decided to kick us out a week early...good times....but we have somewhere to stay and our stuff is all packed (pretty much) so it's okay. I've loved our little place here. It's been our first little home and I've had a lot of fun making it a home for us. So I feel sad today. Not a big fan of change. I know God led us here and I know He is leading us in our next step. It's just sad to say goodbye to our little home and it'll be more sad to say goodbye to our friends here next weekend.
On a lighter note, I've been thinking about the things that I'm looking forward to in America and the things I'll miss here and I've decided to make a Top Ten list for each (These are things not people okay?) So...

10 THINGS I'LL MISS IN UKRAINE
1) Olenka chocolate bars
2) Fanta Lemon
3) Ukrainian McDonalds (it's 100 times better than American McD's)
4) The wonderful view from our apartment)
5) Our little apartment
6) Living above a supermarket
7) Living right across the street from where we work/study
8) Fireworks nearly every night
9) Having an international community around me - the YWAM community
10) The convenience and cheapness of public transport

10 THINGS I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IN AMERICA
1) Fluffy, machine dried bath towels
2) Papa John's pizza
3) Having a car
4) Signs and food labels in English
5) Wal-mart
6) Good milk
7) Diet Dr Pepper, Twizzlers, Wendy's Frosty, other yummy snacks
8) Church/worship in English
9) Basically, English
10) Being able to receive calls, not just being the one to call friends and family

Of course those are all really little things and I'm going to be most sad to say goodbye to our friends here and i'm most excited to see our family there. But it's funny to think about all these little things and look forward to something as trivial as fluffy towels :)

Home

2008-06-19T08:07:00.002-04:00

I guess I'm not a very faithful blogger. I haven't even written anything on here about our future plans! Well, in short - we're moving to America in a little more than 3 weeks. We've turned over the DTS leadership to others here in Kiev, we got Torben's visa, I've been accepted into Kennesaw State University (www.kennesaw.edu), I finish SBS on July 11th, and Torben is (nearly) accepted to do an internship this fall with Grace Ministries International (www.gmint.org) in Marietta Georgia. It looks like it all might actually happen - believe me, I've had my doubts all along.

Moving back to America. Funny, that's how I always say it. Not "home", just "America" or "the States". I've lived outside of America nearly non stop for more than 4 years now. Somewhere along the line, it stopped feeling like home. Maybe it had something to do with my parents moving down to Georgia, so there's not an actual house where I think "ah, I'm home" like Torben does at his parents' house in Denmark. Or maybe it's because I've changed and grown a lot in the last few years, seeing the world from an all new perspective.

God and I have talked about this a lot. What is home? Will I ever feel at home again? Is it worth it to follow God and not necessarily ever have a physical place on this earth where I feel truly at home? I've talked to a bunch of people about that. My mom has given me good advice and I've heard it from some of my friends here in Ukraine too. In many ways, contentment and feeling at home is a choice. A mindset. Where I am and where God has placed me is home.

And then I think of the vows Torben and I took at our wedding and how I knew I was leaving behind my "right" to live in America or my "right" to do everything the American way when I married a foreigner. The words of Ruth seemed particularly applicable for us "Where you go, I will go...your people shall be my people..." We're together, and that makes it home, whether we're in Ukraine, Denmark, or America

So we're moving to America and we'll make it home for the next three years or so. But I'll hold onto it loosely because I know it's not ultimately home. It's a place with its good sides and bad sides. It's more familiar to me than it is to Torben. But it's not home. That's one of the reasons I look forward to the new earth someday - that I will finally be home.

Never thought I'd be relieved to hear Russian...

2008-04-08T05:05:00.004-04:00

Torben and I just got back from a very relaxing weekend in the most beautiful Ukrainian city we've ever visited - Lviv. I finished SBS part two and we immediately hopped on a train for this small city about 6 or 7 hours west of Kiev. Both of us were very tired, especially me, since I had hurried to finish Kings a day early in order to leave on time. It was perfect because Ukraine has these new rules that even if you have a visa, you have to be registered if you stay longer than 90 days, or you have to leave the country every 90 days. Since registering is a hassle and we needed a change of scenery, we opted for leaving the country.
Lviv is relatively close to the Polish border, so we just took a bus from Lviv to the border. I was a little nervous because I've
gotten in trouble at that border before for being over my 90 days and this time I was on my 89th day. Thankfully, there were no problems. We just got through the border, bought some Polish goodies, and walked back through to Ukraine.
So we made our way back to Lviv and started our mini vacation. It was just great. It was supposed to rain all weekend, but it didn't. And through some of our friends here in Kiev, we arranged to stay at a church fairly near the center of the city. This church was amazing (pictured to the right with our duck Gorm) We were envisioning a teeny little chapel with a back room, but we ended up in this gorgeous church with our own bathroom and a very comfy bed...just perfect :) The city was very nice and had a great square where we could sit and watch people...random fact - people in Lviv love to wear red and black together. In 10 minutes we counted 50+ people wearing red and black clothes...no idea why.
Only one thing threw us off about being in Lviv versus Kiev. Everybody speaks Ukrainian in Lviv as opposed to Russian. Torben and I understand a lot of Russian but very very very little of Ukrainian. We were completely lost the whole time. Felt like we were in an entirely different country. So when we got into the train to head back to Kiev last night and the lady in our cabin started speaking to us in Russian, both of us breathed a sigh of relief...never thought that would happen :)
I am still so often amazed at this crazy life God has gotten me into. I live in Ukraine with my Danish husband and hang out with my American, Ukrainian, Russian, Danish, Canadian, Australian friends. I am well versed in visa laws, cross-cultural understanding, I know things about countries I'd never heard of 5 years ago.......and I'm just a shy country girl from Minerva, Ohio - hick, corn-growing country where there are more cows than people. I'll never understand why God chose someone like me to live this crazy life, but I am grateful for it (most of the time, except this morning at 6am when I got home tired and train-grimy and my shower wouldn't work...). Seriously though, I thank God for the life He has led me to.

33 down....

2008-03-22T14:17:00.000-04:00

Oh, and Judges was the halfway mark...33 books down, 33 to go!!!

A funny thing happened while studying Judges...

2008-03-22T14:16:00.000-04:00

I know, that title sounds ridiculous. Judges was not one of the books I was looking forward to studying when I decided to do this school. You know, I thought Hebrews, John, Isaiah, Genesis might be cool, but not Judges!
Some weird stuff happens in Judges. The famous stories of Gideon, Samson, and Deborah are in this book, but it also has the story of the Levite who chops up his concubine and the guy who offers his daughter as a burnt offering to God. It’s certainly an interesting book.
But I realized something in the midst of doing my Judges homework. In the past, I have always approached the Old Testament accusingly. God acts so strange and it’s so hard to understand why He does what He does in there. I’ve learned to separate the God of the Old Testament and the God of the New. He has always seemed to be so different, like he underwent a personality exchange sometime after Malachi. I’ve heard so many of these OT stories over and over again and I’ve never been able to reconcile this strange God of laws and judgment with the God of love who sent Jesus to save us and draw us near (which is probably why I’ve never liked Revelation much either). I guess I’ve always just been a bit angry at God when I read the stories of the OT.
In SBS, we have to draw up charts and analyze the scripture paragraph by paragraph. We observe and examine what it says first, then move on to interpretation – lots of why questions and figuring out what it might have meant to the original readers, and then move on to timeless truths and personal application.
I realized sometime around my 12th or 13th chart that I was seeing the same timeless truth in Judges over and over again – God is constant. He is faithful. He doesn’t change. That forced me to think. If God doesn’t change, then He is the same God who sent Jesus as He was in the OT.
As I processed this, I began to see the subtle change that is coming over me and my view of God. I’ve been amazed to see His love in the Old testament, His heart for His people, His faithfulness, His goodness. I am in awe of Him. I don’t understand everything He does in the Old Testament. Not even close. But I’ve started to let go of my right to understand it all. God is God. To quote one of our SBS teachers “God is the good guy”. Even when He doesn’t seem like it, He is the good guy. He is the hero of even these OT books.
There have been many times, even in books like Numbers and Joshua, where I have had to stop and silently worship this amazing God. How unspeakably awe-inspiring He is and how amazed I am that He loves me. What more can I say? Thank you, Lord.

Coming up on halfway...

2008-03-01T05:51:00.003-05:00

SBS is rolling quite along. A few weeks ago we finished the New Testament and I was sad so say goodbye, actually. It was a lot of work, but it's just amazing how rich those books are. I especially enjoyed John, 1 Corinthians, Galatians, and Hebrews. I think the thing that God was speaking to me over and over throughout the study of the New Testament was His incredible wisdom, which I needed to be hearing a lot about considering the big changes coming up in our lives (more about that in a later blog....and no, it's not that I'm pregnant). I was just amazed over and over at the awesomeness of His plans.
On a less deep note, my class has undergone quite a few changes. We've been bleeding guys...in other words, we started with six guys and now we're down to two from that. Visa problems, plans changing, and sickness in the family were to blame for all of them leaving, but now it's 13 girls against 3 guys (one guy joined in the 2nd quarter). But hey, that's the way it is in missions :)
We had a New Testament party after finishing Revelation, and everyone had to dress up as something or someone from the New Testament. Here's a picture of Torben and I dressed up as the five loaves and two fish :)

And now we have started in on the Old Testament. I just finished up my work on Numbers. I've actually enjoyed Leviticus and Numbers much more than I thought I would. Like most people, I have only skimmed them at best in the past. Deuteronomy starts on Monday and in a week or two, we will have passed the halfway mark. It's going so fast! I'm determined to enjoy this time to the max because I know this opportunity to just focus on digging in to the Bible full time won't come again. I am so grateful for this time.

A New Year

2008-01-14T14:06:00.000-05:00

I know January 14th is a little late for a blog entry about the new year, but I've been meaning to write this for a while now.

Once New Years began to approach, Torben and I began to talk more and more about 2008. We know what the first half will look like - we'll be here in Kyiv, I'll be continuing with the SBS, and Torben will either be working with the March 08 DTS or finding other things to fill the time until I am done with SBS in July.
But July is looming. We really don't know what comes next. Staying in Kyiv for a while longer? Going to a different country? Going to America or Denmark for a while? We don't know. We're praying a lot about it, but we haven't heard much from God yet as far as direction. Things are very uncertain.
For a person like me, that is very unpleasant. I'm not a big fan of change and I like having a while to get used to new things. So I've been getting more and more nervous. Torben and I had some pretty intense conversations about our ideas and fears and vision for the future during the week between Christmas and New Years, and I had a general feeling of uneasiness and stress when considering the future.
After a fun New Years Eve, we woke up New Years Day and Torben immediately got this song in his head (It's translated from Danish here)
Future and Hope
Future and Hope
I want to give you future and hope
I do not think thoughts of destruction for you
But thoughts of future and peace and hope
For I am
I am alive
I am listening today
These are my words
I want to give you
Future and Hope

We both knew as soon as he shared that song that it was a promise from God. A reassurance. It will be okay. He's got it covered. And He will give us answers. Maybe not in our time frame, but He will. He's faithful. I've had to remind myself of that over and over again as we keep getting questions about the future. And it's still not a pleasant place to be - this place of uncertainty. But I know we are in His hands.

Fridge adventures

2007-12-03T10:54:00.000-05:00

It was a cold winter's day a few weeks ago. The snow and ice were building up outside on the streets of Kyiv and the ice was also building up in our freezer. With no way of defrosting the freezer save unplugging it and letting the water flow all over the kitchen, I took a hammer to it to try to chip away enough ice to fit in some meat. As you'll notice, this is a tiny freezer already and when the ice built up, it left only a few inches of space so that we couldn't get meat out or in. So, I took my little hammer and sat down to fix the ice problem. Now, we've been living in this apartment for almost two years now, and this has been our ice remedy the whole time.

On this fateful day, however, something went terribly wrong. I was happily chipping away when I all of the sudden heard this hissing sound. Upon further investigation, I found that I had punctured something in the bottom of the freezer part and proceeded to try to stuff the ice back into the little hole, but it was in vain. Soon, the hissing ended and the fridge started making strange sounds. Pretty scared at this point, I unplugged the fridge and went about my day, waiting for Torben to come home and fix it somehow.

Yeah, the fridge was dead. I killed our fridge with a hammer. I seriously took a hammer to our fridge and killed it. I'm a fridge murderer.

Our landlord was none too pleased with our fridge performance. Knowing it was our fault, we offered to buy a new/used fridge and we found one in a newspaper and Torben went out to the outskirts of Kiev with our friend Zhenya. The lady who was selling it came out to meet them with a parrot on her shoulder. When she heard Torben speaking English, she refused to say another word, even to Zhenya, but we got our fridge. It's 100% better than our old one (even though it smelled like fish at first and had parrot poo on the outside of it) and Torben and I were excited about it for a good 2 weeks after we got it. The niceness of the new fridge has brought about many accusations of sabatoge from Torben and friends here, but I maintain my innocence.

The end of the 555 era

2007-10-22T12:03:00.000-04:00

One of those fun little things about being here in Kyiv is about to come to an end. I thought it was hilarious when we first moved here that everyone's phone number started with 555, just like in the movies. So, we'd be watching a movie and would hear Brandon and Emily's number, or maybe Kelly and Vicki's number...

But sadly, the 555 era has come to an end. They're changing our numbers...(maybe there really are people who watch movies and call the 555 numbers, so people in our area have been getting calls from all sorts of people...). Don't ask me why all the numbers are changing, but I'm glad to have had a 555 number for a little while :)

2 down, 64 to go...

2007-10-05T10:20:00.000-04:00

Just finished the second week of SBS! We have started out pretty easy, learning the inductive method and studying very short books - Philemon and Titus. I seriously thought there was not much to Philemon until last week. It's a cool little book!
And Titus...it's just packed with great stuff. Especially the verses about grace. Basically, the whole book centers around grace and the godly lifestyle that comes from really truly knowing God's grace. I'm beginning to see more and more that everything flows from that - knowing God's total, complete acceptance of me as I am no strings attached. I can't even begin to comprehend it.
It's strange getting into a new schedule and adjusting to a new rhythm in life. Change always takes me a while to get used to. Torben and I are used to spending a lot of time together, but with him leading DTS and me studying in SBS, it's different. We see each other a lot, but don't have much quality time together. I'm looking forward into when we're more adjusted to new schedules.
I miss DTS though!! I enjoy talking to the students and hearing what's going on. I know it's right for me to be doing the SBS right now, but I still feel like I'm a part of DTS. I say "we" for both schools.
Anyways, just a short update. Gotta go make some dinner :)

Thirsty

2007-09-20T07:27:00.000-04:00

I listened to this song for probably the hundredth time the other day, but really heard it for the first time. And as I listened, I found that I could relate so much to the words and where I'm at with God these days.

I’m so thirsty, I can feel it
Burning through the deepest corners of my soul
Deep desire, can’t describe this
Nameless urge that drives me somewhere
Though I don’t know where to go

Seems I’ve heard about a River from someone who’s been
And they tell me once you reach it, oh, you’ll never thirst again
So I have to find the River, somehow my life depends on the River
Holy River, I’m so thirsty

Other waters I’ve been drinkin’
But they always leave me empty like before
Satisfaction, all I’m askin’
Could I really feel this thirsty if there weren’t something more?

And I’ve heard about a River from someone who’s been
And they tell me once you reach it, oh, you’ll never thirst again
So I have to find the River, somehow my life depends on the River
Holy River, I’m so thirsty

I’m on the shore now of the wildest River
And I kneel and beg for mercy from the sky
But no one answers, I’ve gotta take my chances
‘Cause something deep inside me’s cryin’
“This is why you are alive!”

So I plunge into the River with all that I am
Praying this will be the River where I’ll never thirst again
I’m abandoned to the River
And now my life depends on the River
Holy River, I’m so thirsty

Answer to prayer!

2007-09-16T10:01:00.000-04:00

We're down to two weeks until the next Discipleship Training School starts. Even though I'm not staffing this school with Torben, I still feel like a part of it. They have 10-13 students and a lot to do to prepare for them coming.

One of the big things that has weighed heavily on Torben for weeks is the issue of finding a translator. We've been involved in two DTSes here in Kyiv. The first one had a translator who definitely saw it as just a job. She stayed at arms length from the students and the subject material she was translating. She was fine in English, but according to our Russian speaking staff who also understand English, she would add things to what the speaker was saying, slanting it to be in line with her views.
In the second school, the translator was a friend of Torben's. He lived in America for a while, so his English was excellent. He made friends with all the students, saw the job as a ministry, actually translated what the speaker said, and it was clear that God was touching his heart through the teaching.

With that contrast in mind, we set to work looking for a translator for this school. We could see so clearly that the translator has a great influence on the school. Torben's friend couldn't do it again this fall, so we started making calls. It looked pretty grim for weeks. We were down to calling a friend of a friend of a staff member who couldn't even understand Torben when he called her. Everyone good already had jobs, so we thought we would have to go with someone a lot more like the first translator. We were praying like crazy.

Then came Yulia. We got her number from a staff member and met with her the other day. During our half hour meeting, she said every one of the things we had been praying about. She knows English really well, looks forward to getting to know the students, sees this as a ministry and is eager to learn for herself as well as helping the students learn. I left that meeting so excited!! I'm embarrassed to say it, but I was so surprised God answered our prayers. I was sure we would have to settle for a not-so-great translator. How cool that I was wrong!!

Auschwitz

2007-08-29T07:38:00.000-04:00

We took a short trip to Poland two weeks ago. Torben's parents and sister went there for their summer vacation and since they were so close, Torben and I joined them for 4 days. It was cool to be with them again and to practice my Danish. I'm getting better!!! This was the first time I could actually tell I was getting better. You know, complete sentences, understanding jokes, etc. Okay, my grammar still sucks, but who cares. I can make myself understood more, which helps with the whole relating to the in-laws thing. It was good to visit with them and it was a HUGE relief to the brain to exit Cyrillic land if only for a few days. I never appreciated being able to read street signs until I moved to a country where I couldn't!

During our time in Krakow, Poland, we took a day trip to Auschwitz - the biggest Nazi concentration/extermination camp. I have never experienced anything so chilling and sobering before. We were part of a tour, and our guide was really good. He told a lot of horrifying facts, but he wasn't trying to pull heart strings or crying as he did. The things we saw brought up enough emotions as it was. We actually stood inside a gas chamber, looking up at the holes in the ceiling where they dropped in the poisonous gas.

At the first part of the camp, where they kept mostly political prisoners (Poles, Russians, etc.), I was surprised because the buildings were brick and looked just like normal dorms or something. Then, we went to the much bigger part and I saw the horrible little buildings I had heard about.

The most chilling thing for me was to see a small amount of the things that the Nazis took from the prisoners upon arrival at the camp. We saw collections of thousands of shoes, empty suitcases, glasses, pots, even human hair. One of the empty suitcases had "Jeanette" written on it. Very chilling.

Besides the very natural feelings of horror and sadness I had that day and the days following, I also have thought a lot about forgiveness, the capability of each human to become a monster no better than the Nazis, and the grace of God that saves us from that. I know, nice and light topics :) I'm still processing it weeks later. I am glad to have experienced it, even though it was tough emotionally.

Originality

2007-08-08T07:36:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking for a while about what it means to be original. After watching a movie with friends the other day, we started a discussion about why it seems like every movie made is a sequel, prequel, remake of an old movie, or based on novels, comic books, or even toys (Transformers? Come on...). Are all the good stories told? Have we run out of ideas?

I hear a cry from countless songs, movies, and my own heart for originality. I want things and people to be real. Not faking it. Genuine, down-to-earth, and original. There's a cry for that in the world. It makes me think of a time when, as a teenager, during an intense conversation with my mom, I cried out "I just want to be extraordinary!"

That was a memorable moment for me. I felt so boring as a teenager, and some of those feelings drowned out my creativity. The stories I wrote were copies of stories I'd read - not original - so I gave up writing. And I still struggle with feeling boring at times. Yes, I'm a missionary, but there are thousands of those. I'm part of a cross-cultural marriage, but I'm around people all the time who are married to people from even more different cultures than Danish-American. I'm not that extraordinary.

While we were in England in June and I was hearing so much about God's love and acceptance, I was learning some deep things. Some too deep to share yet. But one of the things that God spoke to my heart so clearly was. "You are special to me." That knowledge is changing so much of how I see myself. But in recent months, Torben and I have started discussing when we want to start a family and to be honest, the thought terrifies me. That would fit me even more into the mold.

After one discussion, I was out for a walk and was praying about it, just struggling through some of these feelings and God spoke so clearly. "Is it enough that I think you are special?" That question has been rolling around in my head for weeks. Is it enough for me that God sees me as special? I think so much about what others think. Whether others think I'm boring or not. Or whether I think I'm boring or not. Is it enough for me to know that my Abba thinks I am special? My honest answer right now is, I don't know. I want it to be. I want to rest in what He thinks. That's where I am with it.

All I know is I'm on a good track. I don't have all this figured out and the thought of being a mother someday (not soon) still scares me, but these are some of my thoughts lately about being original.

Oh, and I've started writing again...

My best friend

2007-07-19T07:29:00.000-04:00

Well, it's not too pleasant to be in Kiev these days, but I've certainly made a new best friend. Fans are wonderful lifesavers these days. I'm not a big fan of heat (to say the least) and as the temperature creeps towards 100 Fahrenheit (37 Celsius), I find myself becoming quite attached to my fan (though, don't tell the fan, I would gladly trade it in for air conditioning...)

Who says Ukraine is a cold country?????

Holy Surrender

2007-07-17T06:46:00.000-04:00

This is an incredible song that has been working its way into my heart the past few weeks.

Holy Surrender by Aaron Keyes

I've done it again, I've given in
To the very sin that breaks Your heart
Now I return, fix my eyes on You
That's not who I am, not who I am in You

You say I'm Your child, chosen one, and friend
You love me with a love I could never comprehend
You call me a masterpiece, Your poetry
Your holy place, in You, complete

So Lord I give to You all I am in holy surrender
Jesus take my life, make it Yours, I need only remember
Your hands spread that broke bread
Blood shed, You dropped dead
In Your death, I see Your life
Wholly surrendered for me

070707

2007-07-07T12:48:00.000-04:00

Torben mentioned the other day that 070707 was coming up and I joked "I wonder if Jesus will come back"

But all day today, I've been thinking about it. What if Jesus came back today? Or tomorrow. All my life, that question has been accompanied by some negative feeling. "Oh, no, I don't want him to" type of thoughts. First it was because I wanted to be kissed first, then it was because I wanted to get married first. But there have also been other thoughts. "I haven't done enough for Him." "He would be disappointed because I don't have it all together yet." "I've still got so much sin in my life, I don't want to go to heaven yet". Those thoughts have always come to mind whenever someone has talked about Jesus' return. I have really hoped that He wouldn't return soon.

But as I thought about it today, I realized that my heart was different when I thought about it. In the past month in England, I began to realize for the first time in my life that Jesus loves me. That I am special to Him. Not in spite of who I am. But as I am, He adores me. He's not waiting for me to get it together before He accepts me. He just does. This month isn't the first time I have heard that (I've been singing Jesus Loves Me since I could speak), but it is the first time it has become real to me. Or maybe it's the first time I have chosen to believe it even though I don't feel particularly lovable. Either way, I know it's true. If He returned today, He would be rejoicing to be with me. How crazy is that. I can't even begin to fathom it.

Returning...

2007-07-06T03:56:00.000-04:00

I hadn't realized it had been so long since my last blog!! But once Torben got back from Russia, things went into fast forward and are only now slowing down again.

First stop was the YWAM Festival of the Nations in Hernhutt, Germany. YWAMers from all over Europe were there, and it was really exciting to get a taste of what is going on all over the continent and to get some good teaching. Festivals like that are always a good time, just hanging out with friends, getting to know new people, and learning new things. Oh, of course, and standing in line for food in the rain and using porta-potties. It was cool that Torben got to meet some other Danish YWAMers and hear about what they're doing there.

Since we had a few days after the festival before going to England, we had a few days in Prague. Torben wasn't too happy when I told him Prague just might beat Copenhagen as the most beautiful city I have ever seen. I was just stunned by the beauty of all of the gorgeous architecture. It definitely touched my creative side and made me want to sit down and write a novel :) It was a
really good time for us, hanging out and processing some of what we had heard. For example, I began to see at the Festival how fear has been a huge part of my life for a very long time. Fear of failure, of being alone, of the future, of drawing attention to myself in any way. And because of that fear, I protect myself and therefore can't lean on God to take care of me. And during the time in Prague, just thinking it through, I could begin to see that that's no way to live. And my desire for intimacy with God needs to begin to overwhelm my fear.

I think I'll save the blog about England until I've processed the time there some more, but it was a wonderful time for both Torben and I. And it was absolutely great to be there with Dorothy, one of my closest friends, who happened to be there for a YWAM School of Worship. What a huge blessing to be able to be learning and growing so much and hang out with her at the same time!!

Free to eat cheese

2007-05-13T04:25:00.000-04:00

Well, Torben is on his way to Russia at the moment. He's speaking in a DTS in Rostov-on-Don. It's great because he loves teaching so much and it's a great opportunity for him to do what he loves. It's not so great because that means I'm on my own here. And I'm still pretty much stuck on the couch, so it's not so fun.

But on the upside, I'm planning a trip to the supermarket downstairs with the express purpose of buying cheese. And noone will be here to make faces and whine and tell me I have to chew gum or brush my teeth before he'll kiss me again (for an explanation see Torben's blog FAQ about cheese www.torbenriisjensen.blogspot.com)

Once Torben gets back on Saturday we have just a few days before we're off to Germany for a YWAM Europe conference. We were talking about it yesterday and it's going to be so cool!! Just to hear what's going on in the rest of Europe and meet some interesting people and get some good teaching, I'm really excited. My biggest concern is for the bus ride from here to there. If my back's not better, it's going to be pretty miserable. Please pray that God does some major healing in the next week and a half! I'm still doing my exercises and not lifting anything heavy, so hopefully it starts to kick in soon!

Okay, cheese, here I come!!!

Snow on the 1st of May and other fun stuff...

2007-05-01T12:00:00.000-04:00

Up and down, up and down...the roller coaster of springtime Kyiv weather...Two weeks ago it was hailing and we had the heater on...two days ago, we went for a walk and I was nearly sweating from the heat...today I thought my fingers would freeze off as I waited outside in the snow for Torben. Well, at least I grew up in Ohio, so I'm pretty used to it...

As most of you have heard, the back problems I've had for several months came back with a vengeance a few weeks ago. I got an MRI and it showed that it's a pretty small problem that can be remedied by some specific exercises. The day after the MRI (an experience in and of itself), we went to a chiropractor on the other side of Kyiv.

Now, I was in a good bit of pain, so we arranged for one of the guys here on the base to drive us the 20 minutes across the city. At 6:30 that morning, he text messaged us to say that his wife had gone into labor so they needed the car. So, we took public transport - an overcrowded marshutka (minivan of sorts), the metro, and another marshutka - total of 1 1/2 hours to this place. This "place" meaning an somewhat abandoned looking neighborhood with trash all over the place and a rather angry looking German Shepherd leering at us. Seeing no signs for a clinic, we wandered for a while and wondered if we'd gotten the directions wrong. Finally, we saw a sign on the side of an old school building that had five or six men outside drinking in front of it. We followed the sign to an unmarked black door to the side of the building. Finally, we were there.
We had been warned that this chiropractor is often late. When we got there, he wasn't even there yet, so we waited...and waited...and waited...and waited... 3 and a half hours later, this guy finally arrives!!!

Yeah...good times...this time when we went back, I brought a book.

Many thoughts...

2007-04-12T09:44:00.000-04:00

So we've had Dean Sherman here in YWAM Kyiv this week. For those non-YWAMers among you, Dean Sherman is one of the top ten YWAM speakers. He's been in YWAM for around 40 years, so he was there at the beginning and has a lot of experience in life in missions. It's been so interesting to just pick his brain.

He's been teaching on Dynamics of Relationship during the mornings of this week. We initially invited him to speak on the DTS, but since we cancelled it, he has been speaking to the whole staff, which I think has turned out to be a wonderful thing. He has been a real encouragement to us as a staff. Life in missions can be so discouraging when it seems like nothing is happening and no one is responding and you're just alone. He has been reminding us that we are being faithful, we are serving this city and this nation, and God is with us no matter what. His teaching has been challenging us to go deeper in our relationships with each other and to remember the simplicity of what the Christian life really is - Love. Love God and love your neighbor. The rich young man asked Jesus what the first and greatest commandment is, and Jesus gave him two answers - Love God and love your neighbor. Dean has taught us a lot about what love is - laying down your life, dying to selfishness, being truthful and real, serving. It's really been powerful.

Even though I can feel so alone out here in Ukraine, I know that God is at work in and through me. I often doubt that, but I know in the depths of my heart that He is here with us. Today, through part of Dean's teaching, God really lifted a weight off my shoulders that I've been carrying for years, since I felt God calling me into the area of discipleship.

I love discipleship. I love DTS. I love seeing the way God just reaches out and touches hearts in amazing ways. I love seeing and being a part of a "light bulb moment". Some of those moments are among the best in my life - just being used by God to speak into someone's life and see the light bulb of new understanding and revelation come on in them. But over the past few years of leading DTSes, I have constantly felt a burden of "I should be doing more evangelism, I should be helping orphans more, this isn't real ministry because these people are already Christians."
But today, we were reading Isaiah 58 and 61 as he taught about serving people and it was like I had a light bulb moment. God wants us to bind up the brokenhearted, proclaim freedom for the captives, release from darkness for prisoners, set the oppressed free, break every yoke...that's what we do in DTS!! We get students who have been wounded by life experiences, who are stuck in darkness because of lifestyle choices, who are depressed and doubtful that God would love them and want relationship with them. We get students who are slaves to a works gospel and never stop to think that God wants intimate relationship with them. And we do our best to serve them and to train them to go back home or onto the mission field and reach the lost, minister to the poor and needy, and to change the world with kingdom principles.
This was a powerful revelation for me. Of course I realize that the rest of those chapters are calling us to serve the poor, the needy, and the lost. Of course there is tremendous value in that. But just to realize for the first time that I am not failing God by leading DTSes - rather, I am fulfilling the calling He has placed on my heart.

More dangers of 24

2007-03-30T08:51:00.000-04:00

The other night, we were in the middle of a quite intense episode of the TV show 24, and we stopped for a short bathroom break. When I came back, I pressed play, switched off the light, and hurried to get back into bed. Our bed is just a mattress on the floor, so I just jumped on it. As I did, I managed to step on Torben's foot and, in pain, he jerked it out from under me and all of the sudden, I was flipped down onto the bed, twisting my left thumb backwards in the process.

So here I am managing to type with a sprained thumb and feeling quite silly. Torben claims he's the real victim since I jumped on his foot and gave him a pretty bad scratch on my way down (don't remember that).

Maybe I should be getting the hint that this TV show is a bad idea for me, but I'm so darn addicted!!

Three continents

2007-03-25T13:04:00.000-04:00

As of yesterday morning, my family is spread out across three continents!! Craziness!! The huge majority is still, of course, in North America while I'm here in Europe, but Mom, Daddy, Erika, and Lizzy are now in Malawi, Africa! For the ladies involved, it is their first timeoff of the North American continent. I'm so excited to hear what they think and experience! I talked to a Zimbabwean friend of mine today and asked what he thinks of Malawi. His response was, "The people are great, but watch out for the hippos!"

My parents & younger sisters will be there for a month helping to set up contacts and sort of pave the way for a ministry from their church to start up an orphanage there in Malawi. I think they are even beginning the process of building while they're there.

It has been so cool to see the way my parents have just allowed God to completely change their lives in the past few years. I mean, they have always been godly people listening and following God's call, but He has been bringing them through a lot of changes lately. They are a true testament to the fact that God is in control and when you are truly surrendered to Him, life is never boring. I thank God for the witness my parents are to me and to countless others.

Graduation

2007-03-21T08:21:00.000-04:00

So last week we graduated our September 2006 DTS. They have been on outreach in southern Ukraine and Moldova for three months, while Torben and I were in the States and Denmark. We had them back in Kyiv for a week for debriefing and graduation. The point of that week is to help the students to begin the long process of thinking through what they have experienced and learned over the past six months of DTS, and also to prepare them for returning to their families, friends, and churches.
I usually really like debrief week because it's an exciting chance to hear what God has been doing in the students' lives. I love to hear their testimonies. They were all really learning in the midst of serving and reaching out to the lost. I am very proud of all of them. My highlight of the week was when Torben and I and the outreach leader, Krista, sat down with each student individually to give them feedback and to hear their plans for the future. For me that was wonderful! Nearly all of the twelve students are planning on staying in full time ministry, either in YWAM, their home churches, or other missions projects. Some are getting training first and some are jumping right in. I was so excited to hear all of it!!
The other thing that happened that day was that I was reminded of why I love what I do so much. I have lost sight of it for a while now. I love one-on-one counseling. I love sitting and looking another person in the eyes and trying hard to hear their heart. And more than anything, I love when it happens that I have no idea what to say to a person and I am forced to turn to God for what to say. My wisdom is very limited and I often don't know what to say. But it's so exciting to know that God is speaking through me and directing me. And I knew that that was happening because by the end of the day, I was exhausted. Pouring myself out for people is thrilling and exhausting. I was reminded once again that I love discipleship. Maybe I would be better in counseling or something more focused on one-on-one meetings than DTS. But you know, much as DTS frustrates me at times, I love DTS too.
Torben and I are spending time in prayer these days about our future. We really don't know where God is leading us after our commitment in Kyiv is done at the end of the year. Maybe longer here or maybe somewhere else. We don't know. But we do know that we are called to discipleship. We both love it. And as I was reminded during debrief week, God is still using me and speaking through me in discipleship.

P.S. - My parents and two younger sisters are leaving for Malawi, Africa tomorrow morning. Please pray for them and their ministry time there. If you want to see my two newest nephews and get updates on how my parents' time in Africa goes, check out www.drrickt.blogspot.com (Yes, my parents have a blog!! I'm still in shock!!)

The dangers of 24

2007-03-07T07:11:00.000-05:00

While in Denmark, Torben and I split the cost with a friend of ours to buy the second season of the TV show 24. We were really excited because someone here in Kyiv had loaned us the first season last year and we were hooked. So this time, we agreed that we would watch one episode a day (A REEEEEALLY hard thing for those of you who haven't seen the show). It's a pretty intense show, really well made. Anyways, we've been watching an episode a night for the past two weeks or so.
The other night, we stayed up pretty late, so it was already past midnight when we sat down to watch that evening's episode. This season is about terrorists planning an attack in LA and a conspiracy in the president's administration. So, we finished the episode sometime after 1am and went to sleep pretty soon after that. Those of you who know me well know that I have an insanely active imagination and often have crazy dreams. Well, that night I dreamed that Torben was at the head of this huge conspiracy, he had been a mass murderer, and he was coming after me! I was terrified!! So when I woke up, I scooted to the far end of the bed and it took me a good half hour to convince myself that it had been just a dream.

So there's a half advertisement/half warning about 24 :)

Good old Holmsted

2007-03-03T16:51:00.000-05:00

We are finally back in Kyiv after our time in America, Denmark, and England. Our last stop before returning here was our old base, Holmsted Manor just south of London. It was strange to be back. I had so many conflicting thoughts when we got there and I caught sight of that beautiful old manor.
Holmsted was where I did my DTS. I had so many times there at Holmsted of powerful encounters with God, really starting to understand what it is to be a disciple of Jesus Christ, beginning to see God’s call on my life. It was also at Holmsted that I met and fell in love with Torben. There are so many good memories there. But there are also some terrible memories from there. I had some very hard times there when I returned as staff and when God closed the door for us to return again, I was relieved.
So when we got to Holmsted, I was overwhelmed with the good and bad memories. The negativity of the more recent memories outweighed the positive and I prayed that God would heal me of the hurt that I realized was still there in my heart. While Torben prepared to teach the DTS, I took lots of long walks and prayed. Finally, I had a very candid conversation with one of the staff there and was able to forgive and move on. I could really feel the difference in my heart. Even now, as I write and think of Holmsted, I don’t have the negative feelings that used to rise up in me. I love that place because of the wonderful things that happened there and the beautiful place that it is.
I thought a lot about what happened there. I carried hurt and resentment in my heart for almost two years rather than dealing with it. I am so grateful that our travels brought us back there and that the healing was done in my heart. I am grateful that God knew what He was doing in bringing us to Kyiv instead of back to Holmsted. I am grateful that God is so wise in how He deals with us.

Meeting of the worlds

2007-02-08T05:31:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we got to hang out with Inge, one of our friends from YWAM Kyiv, here in Denmark! She's from here and is home getting some medical treatment, so we decided to hang out for an afternoon. Seeing her here and not in Kyiv really threw me for a minute or two. A meeting of the worlds, like one of those weird dreams where people from different places and time periods in your past are all together in one place. It was really great to hang out with her, though. She's really cool and very different from Torben and I, so it's always interesting to hear her perspective.

One of the main topics of conversation was the questions we have been receiving from everyone in America and Denmark - How long will you be in Kyiv? What's next? My head has been spinning with those questions since we left Kyiv in December. In America, we were so busy that I didn't have time to think too much about the future, but here in Denmark, our lives move a lot slower and I've been driving myself crazy. Thoughts and worries about the future have been flooding my mind. Our commitment to YWAM Kyiv is up at the end of the year and we just don't know what's next. For a future-minded person like me, that's maddening. But then I thought back to a conversation I just had with my parents.

My parents and two sisters are going to Africa for the month of April to help set up an orphanage there. I was a bit surprised, but it didn't shock me too much. So I asked my parents if they think this will turn into a long-term thing for them and my dad replied, "Well, in reality, we don't even know if we'll be alive tomorrow, so we don't know the answer to that." My mom called that a dorky answer and we laughed, but I thought about it later when I was struggling to once again surrender my future to God. He's in control. We could easily just go back to America and get jobs, but we only want to do that if it is what God is calling us to. And more than I want to be comfortable in a country speaking English and around my family more often, I want to be following God's call on my life. And I don't want to waste my time worrying about the future when I don't even know for sure that I will draw my next breath. All we can do at the end of the day is trust that God knows what He is doing. He is in control and He is good. I have to hold onto that truth even when my emotions are raging and questions are drowning me. I heard this Steven Curtis Chapman song again the other day and it brought tears to my eyes once again as I acknowledged the truth of it.

And the pain falls like a curtain

On the things I once called certain

And I have to say the words I fear the most

"I just don't know"

And the questions without answers

Come and paralyze the dancer

So I stand here on the stage afraid to move, afraid to fall

Oh, but fall I must on this truth that my life has been formed from the dust

God is God and I am not

I can only see a part of the picture He's painting

God is God and I am man

So I'll never understand it all

For only God is God

Many travels...

2007-01-29T07:44:00.000-05:00

And now for the long overdue blog. Once I got to a country where the internet was somewhat reliable and uploading pictures onto a blog would have been so much easier, writing emails and blogs was the farthest thing from my mind J But of course I had sisters to visit and insanely cute nephews to play with.

Nearly everything about our visit in America was perfect! We stayed with my parents and had use of my old car to drive all over Savannah. The weather was so pleasant – walking around in short sleeves and still being warm in January!
And the best part – my family!

Here is sweet little Lane – my sister Courtney’s youngest. He is the perfect baby. Fat, sweet-natured, adorable smile. He started walking while we were there and it was so fun to see this chubby little guy toddling around

It was so great to just be with my family again. I’m not sure I realized how much I missed them. Having Christmas with them was just wonderful. Although I enjoyed the off-times more, when we were just hanging out, playing games, having conversations.

One of the first things my father asked me when we got off the plane was "Do you know how many grandchildren we have coming in 2007?" I knew that three of my older sisters were pregnant, but hadn’t heard that the fourth older sister was pregnant again! Candice will be having her twin boys any day now, Dana is due July 10th, Courtney is due August 20, and Laura is due August 23!! Five babies born this year!! But I’m not planning to join the club, which makes me the only non-pregnant married sister.

The other great delight of our time was the (too short) visit with my two oldest sisters. We had three days with them and I got to meet little Olly, who was not quite walking yet, but doing this hilarious hands-and-feet crawl.
We were also able to see all of my closest friends and to renew relationships with many people. It was just wonderful.

Now we are in Denmark enjoying Torben's family and friends. We celebrated Torben's 30th birthday with lots of good Danish food and of course Danish pastries. Torben's also preparing his teaching and we'll be speaking in some different churches here like we did in America. So, though it's technically our "time off", we're still keeping busy!

What I miss....!

2006-12-10T11:13:00.000-05:00

8 days!

We are leaving quite soon for America, so I have lots of America longings that have lain dormant for more than a year that are starting to come up inside me. Aside from the very obvious things like seeing family and friends, here are some things I am so excited for in America….

1) Starbucks – we actually have a layover in London and the airport there has a Starbucks, so I’ll get that even before I hit American soil
2) Wendy’s Frostys. I decided during my year at Malone College that Frostys fix everything…haven’t been proven wrong yet
3) Walmart – need I say more…
4) Applebees
5) Crossing the street without risking my life
6) Turning on a TV and actually understanding
7) Understanding things in the grocery store
8) Going to a movie theatre and understanding
9) Understanding things period
10) Peanut butter
11) Chick-fil-et fries
12) My parents’ big Christmas tree
13) Driving
14) Sleeping on an actual bed as opposed to a mattress on the floor
15) A washing machine
16) Fluffy, machine dried towels
17) Scented candles
18) Elevators that don’t stink or shake as they move
19) Reliable internet
20) Reliable hot water

I could go on, but I’ll stop. In the more than 3 years I have been away from America, this is the most ready I have been to go home. I’m not the type to be homesick and I am happy with where we are and what we are doing here, but I’m ready for reuniting with my wonderful family and being surrounded by the familiar. There are things I will miss about Ukraine, too, mostly my friends, our students, and our own apartment. But all in all, I’m very ready to go home!

Sickness and all that comes of it...

2006-11-14T07:29:00.000-05:00

Well, I have just spent the last several days in bed with a nasty chest cold that seems to be sweeping the area. Lots of our students have fallen to it as well as a good many others on the base. 'Tis the season, I guess :)

But as I spent my days on our couch, I immersed myself in things that didn't take too much brain power since I was all fuzzy - sleeping, watching kid movies, sleeping some more, and reading the Chronicles of Narnia.

When I was little, every school night consisted of the same ritual. 9 o'clock would come around and you could find all five of us girls in our pj's with freshly brushed teeth, gathered in the living room to hear my dad read a chapter from a book. We were regaled with stories from books like, The Singer, Perelandra, Tales of the Restoration, Tales of the Resistance, and favorite of all...Chronicles of Narnia. We must have gone through those books five or six times and I loved them more each time. I have many wonderful memories of leaning on my dad's shoulder as he read through the stories, trying my best to read along and stay awake until the end of the chapter, then begging for another chapter.

Well, I read back through all seven books this past week (being sick doesn't slow down my speed reading habits, I guess) and I was amazed at how much I love them still. They are so innocent and fun, with such clever humor, but more than that, they are thought provoking and inspiring. I found myself praising God as I read the stories about Aslan and his sacrifice and unending love, his gentleness and power combined. It stirs me. And I am sure that is because it is calling me to know God more in his gentleness and power, in his sacrifice and unending love for me. As I read through The Last Battle and it came to the end of Narnia and the beginning of the New Narnia, I found myself crying, longing for the day when I will be with Jesus.

So I guess, however icky sickness can be, the fact of it making me just stop and realign my heart and desires to God's was well worth it.

Oh, whiteness...

2006-11-05T10:56:00.000-05:00

After a lovely fall of beautiful colors and pleasant temperatures, we finally faced reality yesterday that winter has come to Kiev. A blanket of snow settled itself over the streets and soon it will be time to foam and tape up the windows. Yep, soon I'll make my way to the market and buy thick foam to tuck around the edges of the windows to make our apartment just a little bit warmer (already an icebox). Yep, winter has come!

On the upside, the DTS is in full swing and going very well. This is a great group of students. Each school is different and faced with different challenges and so far, I can see that this group has a real heart for God and serving Him in ministry. That's wonderful, but the downside is that with many of them, the relationship with God is just a side thing while ministry is the main focus. We're trying our best to get through to them that if their relationship with God is not the main thing in their lives and it's not active and alive, then their ministry will end up being dead as well.

I really care about these students and want to see each one come to a place of deeper intimacy with their Father and to get all He wants for them out of this DTS. This group of students have really shown me why it is I am doing this. And it has reminded me that I love discipleship. It is exciting and the possibilities of what God will do in the lives of these students is endless. It is so exciting to be even a small part of what He is doing. I am so entirely blessed that I am doing something that I love.

October Newsletter

2006-10-11T05:02:00.000-04:00

Hey all! Kiev, Ukraine Oct. 10, 2006

With the craziness of last month, I decided to combine September and October newsletters. An overview – We returned from outreach on Sept. 1st and the DTS ended on the 7th. We had some days of rest then started planning the next DTS, which started on the 27th of September. Whew!

So now we have 12 new students from five nations – Ukraine, Kyrgyzstan, Uzbekistan, America, and Belarus. So far it is a really great group. More English speakers this time, so I’m not quite so lost. Torben is leading this school, which is a lot of added responsibility, but he is enjoying it quite a lot. I am technically part time staff, but as Torben puts it, I’m being sucked in. Torben and the DTS program director, Vicki, have a lot of ideas to make the DTS program a lot better than it has been and it’s very exciting to be a part of it. I had my first opportunity to teach last week on the topic of Intercessory Prayer. I was nervous, but I loved it. It is a subject I am passionate about and it felt very natural. So maybe I’ll get more opportunities to teach in the future. Scary, but exciting!!

Some of our main focuses on this DTS are culture – appreciating each others’ cultures and opening our eyes to the world around us - and application – integrating the learning the students receive into real life.

As far as culture, this school has huge opportunities to learn a lot from the vastly different cultures represented. Kyrgyzstan and Uzbekistan may be similar to each other, but they are insanely different from American culture. One girl from Kyrgyzstan, Nargiza, got up in front of the class and talked about what it is like to live in a Muslim country. Her entire family is still Muslim, aside from one sister. In fact, her father was killed while involved with a fundamentalist Muslim group. Nargiza has a lot to share about her culture and the way she was raised.
I had a conversation with Damon, one of the Americans, and he was expressing the view I have heard from many Americans (myself included during my DTS) – there’s nothing special or unique about the American culture. Because that was a view I held for a while and I now recognize it as unhealthy and just plain wrong, I was eager to talk to him about it. The American culture has a lot to offer. Yes, we’re loud and often bossy, but there is strength and an enthusiasm to our culture that I love. Most of the missions work going on in the world today wouldn’t be happening if not for Americans because we have an optimism and an I can do it attitude. The longer I live outside of America and am married to a non-American, the more I see the weaknesses and strengths of my own culture and can appreciate it more. Appreciating my own culture while being humble about it – it’s not at all perfect – have really allowed me to learn to appreciate other cultures too. Having known Torben for 3 years now, I really love the Danish culture. It’s different and sometimes really strange to me, but I enjoy it a lot. And he has come to appreciate the American culture, too. Both of us are really looking forward to going to America and Denmark around Christmastime.

When it comes to application in a DTS, a lot of it is up to the students. Those who are serious about discipleship will take the time and effort necessary to process, pray, ask questions. But we as staff are doing what we can to challenge them, taking time each day to ask them questions – We’re talking about forgiveness today, is there anyone that you are holding a grudge against, someone who has hurt you in the past, and how is that unforgiveness hindering intimate relationship with God? Of course, that sort of question is not limited to challenging the students. I have so much to learn. This is my fourth DTS to be involved with, but I still feel like I know so little.

One of the not so fun lessons I have been learning lately is to lean on God when my body isn’t functioning right. Two weeks ago, I did something (not sure exactly what) that irritated the sciatic nerve in my lower back and it hasn’t gotten over being irritated with me yet. It’s pinched and causing a lot of pain in my lower back and down my right leg, making it very uncomfortable to sit down or stand still for long. My dad says it will probably be 6 weeks before it calms down. Not fun. So I’m spending a lot of time laying down or walking. It’s hard to run a DTS when you can’t sit down at all. But as people here are pointing out, maybe God wants me to slow down for a while and focus on Him.

Thank you all for your prayers and support. We both really appreciate it. We will be coming to the States on December 17th and leaving for Denmark on January 15th. As I said before, we’re both really looking forward to it and would love to see as many of you as we can. I hope you all are having a wonderful fall! God bless you!

Jeannette & Torben
Prayer Points
* Praise God for the beginning of a new DTS and our 12 students
* Pray for strength and wisdom for Torben as he leads this DTS
* Pray for us as we continue to study Russian
* Please pray for my pinched nerve to calm down soon.

The end of one season and the beginning of another...

2006-09-24T10:08:00.000-04:00

March DTS 2006 ended just a few weeks ago. The students split off in all directions – some going home, some moving to other locations to do ministry, some just going home to pack and come back to YWAM Kiev. And for the first time in months, the staff could relax.

Torben and I took a 2 day mini-vacation to Uman, a small town 3 hours south of Kiev. Uman’s claim to fame is a huge park built by a Polish lord hundreds of years ago as a birthday gift to his wife. She must have been overwhelmed by the beauty of this garden. Waterfalls, lakes, romantic forest walks...it was lovely. Others must have caught on to the romance of the place – during the 5 or 6 hours we were there, we saw 15 couples there to get married. Brides were everywhere!

In the two weeks or so since we have been back from Uman, we have been planning the next DTS set to start next Wednesday (27th of Sept.), but I have also had a lot of time to think and debrief this last DTS experience. Overall, this DTS was a redeeming experience for me, especially the outreach. It was the second DTS I worked with as staff and I can see a lot of the ways I failed on the first experience. For example, when outreach was stressful and the students hard to deal with, I signed out emotionally and gave it over to Torben.
I was determined that this second experience would not be like the first. But outreach is hard. It stretches you very much. Living in very close contact with 9 or 10 other people, most of which don’t speak your language and nearly all of which are from a different cultural background, is a unique and extremely challenging situation. There were many times, especially in Moldova, where our team began to get tired and whiny, when I would look at Torben and say, “I really can’t do this anymore.” And the temptation was strong to sign out again. But then I did what I didn’t do the first time. I went from Torben to God and told him I hadn’t the strength I needed. And I have heard it so many times it now sounds a bit like a cliché, but God came through for me. He really did. I would tell him I couldn’t do it anymore, but then it would be time for another meeting or ministry and God would somehow give me the patience and love I needed to deal with difficult students or orphaned children.
I am definitely not saying I did everything perfect on this DTS. I had my faults, but I can see that this time, through God’s strength and certainly not my own, I persevered when I felt like giving up.

Another thing I can see much more clearly now looking back is that God must have had a purpose in having us on this DTS staff. It was so extreme. We were on a staff team where neither of us really connected personality-wise with anyone else and we couldn’t even communicate with two of the staff. Of the 14 students, there was only one American and one Polish guy and the rest were Russian-speakers. The school had a feel of being very thrown together and Torben and I never really found our place until outreach, when (Thank God!) we were the leaders and could feel like we were actually doing something worthwhile. I don’t think I even realized just how extreme the situation was until we started meeting with this staff team for the upcoming DTS. Though we have little time to plan, it feels a hundred times more organized and both Torben and I enjoy the others on the staff team.
So what was God doing putting us in such an extremely uncomfortable position for the last six months? We both whined and complained to him so many times when we got “Russian-ed out”, but again and again we had to come to the place where we decided that, even though God’s way doesn’t make sense right now, we would keep walking in the path He had placed before us. Trusting him and looking for him to guide us down what looked like a dark path. And as my mother pointed out the other day, we are learning more during this time than we can know right now.

And so, now a new season is starting in our lives. A completely new set of students will arrive this coming Wednesday to start their own six-month DTS journey. 5 Americans, 2 Uzbeks, 2 Kyrgyz, 2 Ukrainians, and 1 Belarusian. Torben is the school leader under the guidance of the base leader’s wife Vicki. I am part time staff, spending most of my time preparing for the next school and learning more Russian. I am really looking forward to this fall. But more about that school once it starts...

Chasing dreams

2006-09-06T04:58:00.000-04:00

Well, outreach is over and we are in the midst of debrief week back here in Kiev. We are doing a lot of talking about what God was teaching all of us during the time of outreach and it is great to hear what everyone is learning. I will write a blog later about how the outreach was generally, but I need some more time to debrief.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about this fall and what it will look like for me exactly. Torben will be the director of the next DTS starting September 27th, but I will be just part time staff. I need to rest in between schools more than a week or two. I need to take some more Russian lessons and I would like to help out some at the baby hospital again.

But lately my dream of continuing my education has been resurfacing. I finished one year of college in Ohio and during the summer after that, I decided to do my DTS in the fall rather than return to school right away. Since then, I have been on the mission field off and on, but my dream of finishing my degree has never gone away. In fact, the desire has grown stronger the longer I work with discipleship training. I want to be a missionary long-term, but I can see that to get an education in psychology/counseling would benefit my ministry a lot.
I run into a lot of people who have been through some awful experiences and because of that, they have some deep hurts. Even in this DTS, I have encountered students with very deep emotional wounds and though I know that God has spoken through me at times to help them, I know it would have helped so much to have some training in how to help them better. Also, I just love learning so much...I know, I'm such a nerd.

So, I've been looking into online learning programs. There are so many out there!! And there are some awesome online psychology programs. Of course, though, the issue of money comes up. I know it's not very realistic for a missionary living on support to dream of going to college. Even with financial aid, I don't think we would have enough. So Torben and I are doing a lot of thinking and praying about how this could possibly work out. Throwing lots of ideas back and forth. We both know that it would be really hard for us to leave missions - this is what we love to do - but it would only be for a time in order for Torben to work while I study. I don't know. Nothing is certain with any of it. These are just thoughts we've discussed the past few weeks. We've commited to be here at YWAM Kiev for another year, so I know these thoughts are premature unless a financial miracle happened. I'm just dreaming...

Love of Money

2006-08-14T05:32:00.000-04:00

Imagine being so obsessed with money that you waste your life dreaming of going to a country that will probably never let you in. Imagine being so obsessed with money that you send your kids to live in an orphanage because you don't want to pay for them. Imagine being so obsessed with money that you send your 13 year old daughter out onto the streets to be a prostitute to earn money for you.

These are just a few of the stories I have heard during our time here in Moldova. Our team went to a street kids center last Saturday. When they pick up street kids or underage prostitutes, they send them to this home until they can find relatives or an orphanage to send them to. Our team did a program for the kids, played games, and sang songs with them, then we split up and just hung out with them.

Somehow I ended up in a conversation with the security guard of that home. His name was Sergei and his life dream is to move to America, get a job, get his own house and nice car...basically, the American dream. The problem is, that is the dream of almost everyone we have met here in Moldova. They all want to abandon the sinking ship here and go to greener pastures. I tried to tell Sergei that not everyone in America is rich with their own cars and houses. I told him that many of those who do have those things are not happy and contented. I told him that the road to true contentment and life does not lie in money, but in a true and living relationship with God. But his ears and his heart were closed, clogged by the love of money.

I have been amazed at how often I have seen that gleam of greed in the eyes of people here. And I am not just saying that it is an Eastern European phenomenon. I have seen that gleam in the eyes of Danes, Brits, Americans, Malaysians, and even myself when I think about what I don't have and would like to have. No wonder God talks so much about money in the Bible. No wonder the Proverbs are full of warnings against the love of money. It consumes us humans so easily. But we can't serve two masters, God and money. I may think that of course I don't serve money. I don't have a job, I live in ministry, and friends and family give generously so that we can get by. But just to see me when it looks like we don't have enough money one month...obsessed with money. Of course I need to be responsible with the money God provides, but I do not want to be someone obsessed with money. I do not want my master to be money. But what a tempting master it can be. It's much harder to let go and trust that God will provide. But that is what He calls us to over and over again. Trust Him. Lean on Him.

10 years

2006-08-08T04:21:00.000-04:00

This past Sunday was my mom's birthday. Unfortunately, our phone here can't call internationally, so I couldn't talk to her. But August 6th is significant for another reason as well - it's my parents' anniversary. They've been married 10 years now.

10 years ago, I was nearly 12. All seven of us girls went with my parents to a local detention center where the justice of the peace was located in that particular town in North Carolina (we were on vacation there together). My dad, a father of 5 girls and a widower of 8 months at that point, married a woman he knew very well (they had been writing and talking on the phone for 5 months or so), who had lost her husband a year earlier and had two daughters. They had both put a lot of prayer into this decision and felt this was what God wanted them to do. And so our two families became one.

But it wasn't easy. Those first few years especially were a very rough ride. My parents are two VERY different people, plus they had a houseful of still-grieving young girls. The adjustment wasn't quite so hard for my youngest two sisters, but the rest of us had many struggles. I have always been a person who struggles to adjust to change and that was a massive change. But I can remember that, during the fall after they married, I realized that I was faced with a choice - join this new family or not. I made the choice to fight it out and be a part of the family, and that choice has been one of the best in my life.

These past 10 years have been very very full. New churches, new houses, new situations very often. Over and over I have witnessed my parents following God's leading into new circumstances. We took in many needy people, including 5 abandoned kids and several families (not all at the same time :) ) We made our own family traditions, different from the ones before, but good. We had many good times and many hard times. Slowly but surely, we became a family. I remember when my sister's first child, Micah, was born. It was about 2 years after my parents got married. We all stood there in the hospital and fell in love with this beautiful little baby. I don't want to say that he brought us together, because God was already doing that work, but having a little one around certainly helps. Micah is my nephew through and through even if not by blood, and I knew that from the start.

I have been very grateful these 10 years to have a mother. She has been there for me in everything, all of the many many changes of these years. She is a very wise woman and I have learned so much from her. So much. I love her very much even if she drives me crazy sometimes (like any good mother does) :)

And in the almost 4 years since I moved away from home, I have seen many huge changes happen in the lives of my parents. Following God's leading, my dad stopped being a doctor, they moved to Georgia, and my dad started taking seminary courses. As of about a month ago, my father is now ordained and they have joined staff at their church in Savannah. They have also joined an organization called Hope Force www.hopeforce.org I am so proud of them. They are amazing, godly people and I am proud to call both of them my parents.

Moldova

2006-08-04T09:07:00.000-04:00

We have now been in Moldova for a little over a week with lots going on! Our students are doing a good job adjusting to yet another new situation and the ministry opportunities are definitely new for most of them. Our living situation took a little getting used to but we're all settled in and ready for another month of outreach!

Seriousna
The first person we met when we stepped off the bus was Sergei, our contact person here. His nickname is Seryozha, but Torben soon nicknamed him Seriousna (which means seriously) just to be funny. It makes all of the Russian speakers laugh to hear us butcher their language all the time. Which is fair enough because we laugh at their English pretty often. Anyways, Seriousna is so paranoid that it's funny. It is his first time being responsible for a missions team and he worries over us like a mother hen, always telling us to save money by turning off lights and to be careful about everything and repeating instructions to us over and over again. His wife, Ira, is very much his opposite so it's just hilarious when they are together. Seriousna doesn't speak a word of English, but Ira speaks the best English I have ever heard from an Eastern European. So cool.
Ministries
So far we have only done 2 of the 4 ministries we'll be involved with here because all attention was focused on a city-wide festival that happened here last week. We helped out where we could in the festival. There was a speaker from Kiev and many people were saved. It was a wonderful thing to see and be a part of. They also did a very good job of plugging the new believers in to local churches.
Our ministries are rather varied here and are very different from the ones we had in other locations. So far we have gone to an AIDS hospital and a drug rehabilitation center to speak to people about the gospel. This is a real challenge for the students, most of whom are used to ministering with kids, not broken and dying older people. Only a limited number of us can go each time, so I haven't been able to go yet, but those who have gone come back very moved and challenged. Tomorrow we will go to a local nursing home (don't imagine nice nursing homes there in America or Western Europe). The government here does not take good care of the older people and we have been told to expect really awful circumstances there. We'll also be working with a street kids center. I'll write more later about what those are like.
On the home front
Due to some staff changes in YWAM Kiev, Torben has been asked to be the main leader of the fall DTS this year. This is a huge responsibility and not a lot of time to plan for it. This school ends September 6 and the next starts Sept. 27. I will be helping out part time with the school, but I would like to focus on language learning and helping out some with the baby orphanage ministry.
We also bought our tickets for our trip to America and Denmark at the end of the year!!! YAY!! We'll be in America from Dec. 17 to Jan. 15 and in Denmark from Jan 16 to mid Feb. I'll get to meet my two new nephews and my sister Candice will be 7-8 months pregnant with twins!! My family is growing so quickly!

So that's life in a nutshell for us here on outreach!

A week with Laura Ingalls Wilder...

2006-07-25T06:01:00.000-04:00

Okay, for those who were on the Sept. 2004 Ukraine outreach – Torben and I have at last experienced "real" outreach.

We spent the last week and a half in a tiny tiny tiny little Ukrainian village called Mozhevaya. 3 hours train ride from the nearest city, we entered into the 1800s. Some people travel in cars (very few) but most get around on WWII style motorcycles, you know, the ones with the compartment to the side so people can ride in it. Others just get around on horse-drawn carts.
Our 8 person team stayed with a family of 11, so we were a bit packed. To our surprise, there was electricity, but no plumbing. A good old fashioned well complete with rope and bucket. And of course, an outhouse. Yeah, an outhouse. So on the way from the house to the outhouse, we had to walk by a killer dog, shoo away the chickens and geese running all over the yard, try to avoid all of the animal poo (it was all over the place so we gave up on avoiding it after a day or so...yeah, our shoes need washed badly), and finally reach the incredibly smelly hole in the ground. The farm was complete with geese, ducks, chickens, pigs, cows, dogs, cats, and an adorable puppy named Rex who really liked to chew on feet.

The church where we helped with a kids camp was a 20 minute walk from where we lived. We joined up with a Ukrainian Baptist organization that runs 8 weeks of kids camps in villages all over Ukraine every summer. The group we worked with was very cool and welcomed us into the camp and were eager to work with us. There were fewer kids than they had hoped for - only 15 - but it was still a good week. We shared the gospel and did lots of skits and games with them. It was an action packed, fun week.

The only bad part for me is that I got a pretty bad chest cold toward the end of the week. Being sick in the countryside is definitely no fun. You know, that's when you want some comforts around you. Oh and the other bad part was the food...oh my gosh. I knew before I came that I don't like Ukrainian food very much, but this sealed the deal. I still don't know what kind of meat it was that we ate, but I don't think I want to know. The worst was the incredible amount of oil that is in everything. Eating soup was like eating oil...and they eat a lot of soup. Torben and I were both very eager to get back to just our team because even though some of them make some very unfamiliar food, at least it is edible.

But this experience has given me an entirely new view of Ukrainian culture. Up until now I have only experienced Ukrainian city life and frankly, I haven't been too excited about it. But to experience the hospitality and great kindness of the Ukrainians we lived with as well as getting to know an older lady (babushka) who was not pushing me off the bus or yelling at me for not understanding Russian was just great. I really enjoyed our week of country living, though I am glad I don't have to use an outhouse all the time.

Right now we are back in Dnipropetrovsk and our bus for Moldova leaves in about6 hours! It will be a 14 hour bus ride so please pray for us as we go over bumpy Ukrainian roads and pass through the Moldovan border at 7am tomorrow. I hate borders and get very nervous, but we all have our visas and papers, so it should be fine. Just please pray. I'll update more from Moldova!

Some photos

2006-07-01T04:12:00.000-04:00

Here are some photos from the last few weeks. Top left is us with the Dniepr River and the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen in the background. Above is Krzysztof, on of our students with Artur, one of the kids from the orphanage where we worked last week. And to the left is us doing one of our skits in the church we work with. The students are doing really well and are learning a lot about being flexible since our schedule seems to be ever-changing. We did a lot of evangelism this week - street evangelism and programs, which was a challenge for a lot of us. Next week we're planning on running a kids camp in our area. Overall, things are going very well here in Dnipropetrovsk.

Dnipropetrovsk Hallelujahs

2006-06-24T03:08:00.000-04:00

It's now been nearly a week of being here in Dnipropetrovsk, and it feels more like a month. We've been working really hard and getting really tired, but it's good. The team is doing really well, the honeymoon phase is starting to be over and people are starting to get on each others' nerves...so what else is new? But it's to be expected with a team of 10 people from 7 different countries! So far, people have been good at working out their differences.

The church we are working with is a bit psycho with how much they work - meeting together at 6am, 12pm, and 6pm every day and doing lots of work in between. They are very old school Pentecostal, with plenty of Amens and Hallelujahs and Praise Gods thrown in at very random moments. I've been to churches like this one, but it's still not my style, plus it's all in Russian, so it's a bit rough for me. And there are some theology things that are a bit iffy, but it's still a good church to work with. They have a lot going on that we can help out with.

This week we were focused on a orphanage for handicapped kids. Tuesday to Thursday we did construction work for them - lots of painting, cleaning, putting up wallpaper, things like that. Then yesterday, Friday, we got to hang out with the kids (about 20 of them) and have a barbecue, play some games, and just hang out. Since we can't talk to them very well, Torben and I did most of the cooking and setting things up, but it was a great time. The kids really enjoyed it. Some were very severely handicapped, while others were able to do more.

So, that was it for this week. Next week we will be doing more street evangelism here in Dnipropetrovsk. Please pray for boldness and wisdom for us!

Outreach Looming!

2006-06-11T10:20:00.000-04:00

Less than a week now until outreach starts. The students are getting antsy and last minute preparations are starting to kick in. This morning, we went to a local church to share about DTS and our outreach coming up. It was cool to do something as a team.

Just so everyone is on the same page about what our outreach is going to look like...

Dnipropetrovsk

We leave this upcoming Saturday (the 17) by train for Dnipropetrovsk, a city farther south in Ukraine. It's one of the larger cities in Ukraine, with a million people. We'll be working with a large church there, where we'll have opportunities like rehab centers, orphanage work, youth work, and street evangelism to help out with. We won't be sure exactly what our schedule will be until we get down there and discuss it with the church leaders. All 10 of us will be in a four room apartment, which is good and bad news at once. I had imagined we might be in one big room together, so it's cool that Torben and I will have our own room, but 10 people with one bathroom? Good times. My DTS outreach was in Romania and we had 14 people in two rooms, so I think we'll be okay :) After three weeks in Dnipropetrovsk...

Kiev Youth Festival

We'll come back up here to Kiev for a youth festival which is put together by 20-something youth organizations here in Ukraine. YWAM is one of those organizations, so the staff is all working with practical aspects of making the festival work smoothly. It will be around 8,000 Christian and non-Christian young people from all over Ukraine, so there will be a lot for us to do. We'll be here from the 11th of July to the 16th of July. After that...

Dnipropetrovsk, take two

We'll be back in Dnipropetrovsk from the 16th of July until the 26th of July to continue the work we will have been doing there.

Moldova

Our visas for Moldova start on the 26th of July, so we can head down to Chisinau, the capital, from Dnipropetrovsk. We are still working out the details of exactly what we will be doing in Moldova. The goal of YWAM Kiev and YWAM Iasi in Romania is to start permanent YWAM work in Moldova, which is one of the only Eastern European countries that doesn't have a YWAM base. We're hoping to have a DTS running there by the end of next year. Both YWAM bases have been sending DTS outreaches there for a few years. So, one of our main goals there is to spread the word of what a DTS is. Don't get me wrong, we'll be doing more than advertising, but we're still talking back and forth with our contact there to find out what else we can do ministry-wise.

And then...

We need to leave Moldova by the 24th of August (my birthday!), so we'll come back here to Kiev. Debrief week does not start until the 4th of September, so we're still working on what exactly we can do here in the city or in one of the surrounding villages. There's a lot going on here at the base that we can possibly help out with. My detail mind is about to go crazy with not knowing exactly everything we will be doing, but I know we are doing our best to get everything together. It looks like it will be a very exciting, mobile outreach experience for all of us with a variety of ministry opportunities for the students to be exposed to, which is the point of a DTS outreach.

So, with all of that looming, we're entering into our last short week of lectures. Teaching on evangelism Monday, picking up our Moldovan visas Tuesday, Torben is doing his follow-up relationships teaching on Wednesday, a pep talk from the base leader on Thursday, cleaning day on Friday, then we're off!! I've got that terrified excited feeling I get every time I start something new! It really is amazing that God has put me in this missionary life. I'm the girl who threw a fit when my parents moved the Christmas tree five feet to the left one year. No changes!!! Nothing can ever change!! Who says God doesn't have a sense of humor?

Matt

2006-06-05T09:26:00.000-04:00

I just got the news from home, my brother-in-law is finally home from Iraq! And in one piece! Very exciting news, especially for my sister, Candice! He's here just in time for their 1 year anniversary on June 18th. He's been gone since January, so it's been close to half their first year of marriage that he's been gone! I'm very glad that he's home and safe. We've been praying for him so much. Thank God he's home!

The Scandinavian Invasion

2006-06-05T08:31:00.000-04:00

Last week was a unique experience in this DTS. So far, the speakers have only been from Ukraine, Canada, or the US. Aside from Monday, when we did team building exercises, the rest of the week we had Scandinavian lecturers!
David Holme, the base leader from YWAM Belarus, was here to speak Tuesday to Thursday on Leadership. He's Norwegian, so Torben had someone else on the base to speak Danish with (don't ask me how that works, but he could speak Danish and David would speak Norwegian and they would understand each other).
The teaching was really cool and challenging for me. He talked a lot about the qualities a leader needs to have. I've struggled sometimes not thinking I'm a good leader because I don't have the typical qualities you assume a leader should have - liking to be in front and in the center of attention or being really really talkative or something. But one of the big qualities David talked about the need to have is vision for the people who are following you and the commitment to do whatever you can to make that vision a reality. I know for me, my vision is to see young Christians come to true freedom in Christ as they learn to live in the light. God has been teaching me so much the past few years about the freedom His truth offers, and I want to see others come to that freedom that I have only begun to taste. So maybe I have a few leadership qualities anyways.
Friday another wonderful Scandinavian taught the DTS. Torben! This time, the topic was a subject that is a true passion of his - relationships. His heart really shone through as he taught about godly relationships between men and women. He shared a lot of his own experiences as a single guy. It was a great experience for him. It's something he's been wanting to do for a while and he hopes to do more of in the future. And the students really enjoyed what he taught about. He didn't have time to finish his teaching, so they asked him to teach another day. I think he will next week.

Miracles all around...

2006-06-01T14:37:00.000-04:00

Some cool things happening around the base these days. Two stories for you (not directly involving Torben and I, but really cool...:

Twin Dangers

There is a family here on the base who has one year old twins. The twins are actually the youngest of 10, so this family is used to babies. They're living in the second floor of a house here in Kiev, so they're pretty crowded together. And Pam, the mom, is home with the little ones a lot. Well, these twins are usually really easy sleepers. They go to bed easily, sleep soundly, and everything a mom dreams of. The other day, they just wouldn't calm down. They kept whining and wanting out of their crib. After a long time of this, Pam went in and brought them out to the living room. (You can imagine a frustrated mom at this point, I would think). Literally five minutes after that, the roof in the babies' room collapsed. Huge concrete slabs were seriously inside the crib where the babies had been just minutes earlier. Thank God for irritable babies at that point!!

Marina

One of the ministries here at YWAM Kiev, Mother's Care (I've mentioned it before, it's the one that works with orphaned babies) works with many very very sick little ones. The worst case they are in contact with now is a little one named Marina. She's around three years old and has never been outside the hospital. She has three main things wrong with her, I'll start with the least problematic - 1) She was born with a major cleft palatte and lip. 2) A deformity in her hands and feet caused webbed toes and fingers. Last year they developed gangrene and she became very sick. She lost most of her toes and some fingers. After much persuasion, the doctors did a surgery on her that fixed her feet somewhat, but the problem is back. I don't understand all of it, but it's awful for her. 3) Worst of all, she has some sort of a blood disease. The doctors here can't diagnose it, so they can't fix it either. She gets terribly ill very often because of it, and it is something that could kill her at any time.
So, Mother's Care has been lobbying to get custody of Marina with the view of taking her to the States for medical treatment. They already have a doctor and facility to do the operations necessary lined up in America, but they were buckled down for the long run with all the paperwork and loops to jump through here in Ukraine. Things tend to move very slowly here, with a lot of corruption and people expecting bribes if you want anything done. Sonya, the girl directly involved with taking custody of her, was getting the runaround with where she could go to get permission from something like 15 different doctors.
I don't know the exact details, but today, Sonya officially got custody of Marina. She met someone who knew someone high up in the government who could pull the right strings and now, weeks or even months ahead of schedule, they have the custody they needed and could be leaving for the States as soon as June 10!!!
I am so excited about all of this!! I've met Marina and it just broke my heart to see her so sick. This operation will save her life and possibly even give her a future. Now we just need to pray that she and Sonya can easily get visas to the States (not an easy thing for Ukrainians) so they can get there soon!!

Some pictures

2006-05-28T11:00:00.000-04:00

Merete and I trying to bargain for some of our souveniers, but
we needed Torben to step in and charm this lady to get a good
price :)

Another one of the beautiful Orthodox churches here in Kiev. We stepped inside this one and witnessed a baby baptism, complete with incense waving and the priest singing.

Merete

2006-05-28T10:43:00.000-04:00

I was going to do a nice long blog about the teaching topic of two weeks ago - Biblical Worldview and the Kingdom of God. It was so entirely interesting and thought provoking and convicting. It really challenged all of us, staff and students alike to take a good hard look at our lives and where we are not living in line with a Biblical Worldview. I was going to write a long blog about it, but Torben beat me to it. It's on his blog and it's really really worth a read. www.torbenriisjensen.blogspot.com I would have my own things to add to or subtract from it, but it is basically a combination of all we have talked about and been mulling over.

On to my topic of choice...Merete!! Torben's sister came here last weekend for five days or so. It was wonderful to have her here! It was supposed to rain the whole time she was here, but it only happened once for five minutes! She got a glimpse of what our lives are like staffing the DTS and all of the craziness that surrounds it and she definately got a taste of what it's like to be in a city where everything is in Cyrillic so you have no chance of finding your way around anywhere unless you know the alphabet!

We took her all over to see the sights of Kiev, even seeing a few things that were new to us. We bought some souveniers, ate some McDonalds, visited open air markets, all sorts of things. But the best part of it for me was having a buddy here. I've been pretty lonely lately because our phone hasn't been working and Skype sucks, so I haven't talked to anyone at home for nearly a month. And I haven't really connected with too many girls here in Kiev, so I've been lonely for some girl time. Merete supplied that in abundance. It was so great for me. She's a great friend.

The first time I went to Denmark, Merete was the person I was most afraid to meet. She and Torben are such good friends and I knew her opinion mattered a lot to him, and having heard more than a few horror stories about meeting the boyfriend's family, I was intimidated. Who knew that two and a half years later, she'd be one of my good friends? Not only was it good to have girl company, she also encouraged us a lot.

Sometimes from the inside it's hard to see if you're making any difference or if you're just wasting your time. It can be discouraging at times. But Merete pointed out all of the ways she could see that we are doing a lot here and making a real difference. So, to sum it all up, it was a great and refreshing visit! Okay, I'll finish my praise song now :)

Uzhgorod

2006-05-12T11:09:00.000-04:00

One of the things about being a foreigner here in Kiev is that you have to register if you are here for more than six months. Registering is a long, complicated, expensive project, so most foreigners here on the base opt for the cheaper option - getting out of Ukraine and back in. You get a new stamp in your passport and voila, no registration necessary.
So, we had a long weekend for DTS last weekend and Torben and I are about a month shy of the six month mark, so we took off for the Slovakian border last Thursday. Some friends here at the base told us about a little hotel run by Christians in a border city called Uzhgorod, so we went there.
It was wonderful!!! Fresh air for the first time in months. I hadn't realized just how much this country girl had missed fresh air and fields and forests...I was in heaven. Well, it was just Uzhgorod, but it was close enough. Plus, the trees on the streets were blooming with these beautiful pink blossoms. It was so good to get away from DTS stuff and rest the brain for a few days.
But then it was back into another busy week of DTS! There were several speakers this week with various topics, so it was interesting! On Monday we hooked up with a base in Switzerland through Genesis technology. It was really good. The speaker was saying some great stuff. I've really been challenged this week about my own motivations for serving God in ministry. Is it just because I'm trying to earn his approval or maybe because I want to bring glory to myself? I think sometimes it is one or both of those reasons. I know that my motivation should be love, that I am serving God because I love him and want to bring glory to Him. I want my motivation to be that. I don't want to just serve out of a sense of duty, you know "Oh, I'll read my Bible because that's what I'm supposed to do."
Of course, that's not to say that I'll give up all spiritual disciplines just because I don't feel like it sometimes. I just want to check my motivations. I want to bring glory to God, not myself. That's a lot of what I have been thinking about these days. I'm still processing a lot of this. DTS teaching is just as challenging the third time around!!

Go Germany.....or not....

2006-05-03T11:39:00.000-04:00

What a week...we've been trying and trying and trying to get ahold of the German embassy here in Kiev for about a month now. We were wanting to get information about visa requirements for our team members from Uzbekistan, Moldova, etc. And yesterday, they finally called us.

With BAD NEWS!!! In order for the students from Uzbekistan, Moldova and the staff from Kyrgyzstan and Nepal can't apply here in Ukraine, they have to apply IN PERSON in the German embassies in Uzbekistan, Moldova, Kyrgyzstan, and Nepal. Which means, we're not going to Germany after all.

We've been understandably disappointed the past few days. We were looking forward to being a part of a big YWAM outreach to the World Cup and for the students to have a taste of Western Europe.

So now we're looking into our options a bit closer to home. Eastern or Central Europe. We're trying to trust that God knows what He's doing and that He'll guide us to where He wants us to go. Please pray for all of us as we make this decision!

On another note...

2006-04-26T13:48:00.000-04:00

I thought this was a cool picture. I just love the view out our apartment windows, and obviously, this pigeon loves it too!!

Here's a bunch of our students piled into our teeny little apartment. From the left, we've got Sergei, Vasya, Sasha, Sveta, Shakhnoza, Nika, Tanya, Krzysztof, Alyona, Marina, Katya, and Denis. Aren't we all beautiful? :)

Chernobyl

2006-04-26T13:35:00.000-04:00

It's a serious day in Ukraine today. It has been 20 years since the nuclear disaster in Chernobyl, Ukraine. The World Health Organization estimates that 9,000 people have died as a result of the radiation released in the explosion, while Greenpeace claims that the number is more like 93,000, including the continuing diseases and deaths.

Services were held all over Ukraine to commemorate the victims. We took time in our base staff meeting today to pray for the victim's families. I read online a few minutes ago that the government hastily covered the remains of the exploded reactor in a steel cover to contain the deadly chemicals back in 1986, but now that cover is starting to disintegrate and is leaking. Now, the government needs to build a new one, which could cost millions of dollars. So, we spent some time praying about that as well.

When we were in Yalta, Ukraine last year, we saw some people who were born extremely deformed because of the Chernobyl disaster. I think it was only then that the event that I had only read about in history books became real to me. People born without limbs, with their faces horribly deformed, all because they were born too close to the Chernobyl area.

Yes, it's a sobering day here in Ukraine.

1, 4, 26, 108, 47, 7, 5, 3:30am

2006-04-17T12:23:00.000-04:00

What do all of those numbers have in common? This week's lectures!!!

It's the coolest thing ever. So awesome. There's this technology where you can link up with people in other countries through the internet and see each other. It's really new, at least in YWAM, and we're calling it Genesis. There are several bases around the world that now have it. The main purpose is to link bases so that speakers can get into difficult or closed countries through the internet. It's not that easy (though it's getting easier) for people to get into Ukraine, so we can have different speakers speak through the Genesis technology. A few weeks ago, we hooked up with a base in Lausanne, Switzerland, and had a guy speak to us at one of our base meetings from there. We could see and hear him and he could see and hear us.

So, this week is our first time using Genesis for DTS lectures and guess who our first speaker is! Loren Cunningham, YWAM's founder! He's speaking to us from Lausanne, Switzerland. But not just us!! Here's what those numbers mean.

1 - speaker, Loren Cunningham
4 - locations hooked up at the same time - Switzerland, Taiwan, Venezuela, and Ukraine
26 - nations represented in the classrooms
108 - the amount of people listening to Loren speak (at the same time!!)
47 - the amount of Koreans of those 108 people, the majority by far!!! (Second is the 15 Americans.
7 - the number of DTS's plugged in because Amsterdam DTS is on outreach and hooked up with Venezuela, another DTS is with the one in Switzerland, and the Belarussian DTS is with us!!
5 - languages being translated to or from - English, Korean, Chinese, Spanish, and Russian
3:30 am - what time it was in Venezuela when lectures started!!

The coolest part of this morning's lectures was right before he started speaking, when we all prayed together for the teaching. Just that feeling of being connected with people all over the world at the same time as we prayed to God. He's just so big!! That He's working in all of these people everywhere. It's amazing.

Iiiiiiiiittt's baaaaaaaaaack!!!

2006-04-07T07:23:00.000-04:00

Early morning, April 7, 2006. A young woman wakes from a too-short night of sleep. Her husband gets up first and sticks some bread on the toaster. (Dramatic music rising.....)

From the kitchen comes a loud cry of "NOOOOOO!!!!!!"

The snow is back. And not the simple, pleasant flurries. It's a full on blizzard out there. It's back with a vengeance. (Loud sigh..............)

And the river meets...

2006-03-26T04:44:00.000-05:00

Spring has come!! For days I've gotten up from bed, looked out the window and have been overjoyed to see the Dniepr river melting more and more! And now, as of yesterday morning, the final pieces melted in the middle, making streams meet! Of course, there's still ice along the edge and the crazy ice fishermen are still there, but it's happening! And today I only had one layer of stockings on under my skirt rather than three! Yay!!!

And the weather isn't the only thing changing lately. This past Wednesday marked the beginning of the Discipleship Training School! Most of the students arrived on Wednesday, with one coming Thursday and another to come tomorrow. So, the final count is 8 staff and 15 students - 8 Belarussians, 2 Ukrainians, 1 American, 1 Moldovan, 1 girl from Uzbekistan, 1 Polish guy, and possibly a girl from Cameroon if her visa comes through tomorrow (Pray!!). So very diverse. So very Russian speaking...oh dear. The one American studied Russian in university, so she's fluent. Good times.

So, we've got quite a challenge before us. I've gone back and forth a lot this week with my feelings about it. What was God thinking bringing us here? How can I possibly be of any use? How can my gifts and abilities be used in this school? Lots of those questions swirling around in my head. And though I have so many moments of frustration and doubt, the one thing that is constant is that I know God is in this. I know He has brought us here. I know there is a purpose in it even though I can't see how there possibly could be. But it's hard. Please pray for Torben and I. God's placed us in a difficult position, but I can already feel that He's not going to leave us alone in this.

Already, He has sent us both different encouragements. Bringing verses about perseverance and depending on Him to our minds. The speaker in our base meeting Friday night was speaking about perseverance and keeping on running the race. One of the best speakers from our own DTS, Val Smith, randomly happened to be in Kiev this weekend, so we've had the chance to hang out with her a bit and be encouraged by her. God's not leaving us alone even though He's brought us to a difficult place.

Don't Afraid

2006-03-08T12:58:00.000-05:00

Going to the dentist is never fun. Even more fun - going to the dentist when there is hardly any common language going on. Torben's having a root canal done on Friday, so we went a few days ago for the dentist to check out what's going on in there. She was very nice, but didn't really understand much of what we were saying. And she's the dentist here in Kiev who knows the most English...good times.
The best part was when Torben was trying to express his dislike for needles. She told him to lay back "Don't...afraid!" A few minutes later, this none to reassuring statement was followed by her rendition of the song "Don't worry, be happy!" Torben's on the dentist chair freaking out and his ever supportive wife is trying not to giggle at the musical dentist :)

Soon and very soon...

2006-03-06T03:23:00.000-05:00

Countdown to DTS! After taking some serious time to pray about all of the adjustments to life here in Kiev, I've gotten past being really really nervous about the upcoming DTS and now it's down to the waiting. The current DTS just got back from outreach, reminding me of what a Discipleship Training School is like. The post-outreach excitement is almost tangible as they talk about Kirgistan and Georgia. It makes me remember all of the awesome things that God did in me and through me on my outreach in Romania and I start to get excited again...

A week or so to go before staff training starts. Since those we'll be leading with just got back, I'm excited to get to know them, though I don't think I've quite met all of them. Kind of confusing these days with all of the new faces :)

Random story from daily life - one that only people from cold places will understand - after a short warm weather tease where all the snow melted, Kiev was dumped upon again with about a foot of snow in the past week. It seems the weather can't make up it's mind (hey, like Ohio!) so it goes from freezing to slush everywhere and back again. So, Torben and I went out to eat the other night and on our way home, we had to cross the street. As usual, I was more focused on staying alive (you should see the crazy drivers in Kiev), so I only glanced at where I was stepping. Have you ever had that experience where you think you're stepping on solid ground, but lo and behold, you find yourself nearly up to your knee in freezing nasty water?? Oh yes, good times. Good news, though, I didn't get killed by the crazy cars...

Out of the mist...

2006-02-24T14:57:00.000-05:00

The alarm clock goes off early pulling me out of a deep dream and into the cold morning. After a few minutes of snuggling with my husband, I face the day by stumbling into the next room. As usual, I go to the window and look out at the gray winter Kiev sights. Where I can usually look across the Dneiper River to see Rodina Mat, the huge statue that "protects the city" and the beautiful Orthodox Church, I only see a very heavy mist. I can't even see the ice-covered river. I can barely see the Venetsia, YWAM Kiev's houseboat, the mist is so thick.

I study the mist over the river for a few minutes and slowly, I see them. Dark forms emerging out of the clouds. There they are. The eternal ice fishermen. Greedy for fish and disregarding the melting ice, thick fog, and drizzling morning rain, these men sit out there all day. They're the main constant in our lives these days. Any time you look out the window, rain or shine, morning to night, there they are. And it seems, the thinner the ice gets, the more of them flock to the sport, and they gather in tighter groups as if just to tempt the ice to break. I don't understand it, but I don't think they understand either, since they're so warmed by their ever present vodka. But you don't have to understand it, you just smile and nod.

Lesson learning...one more time

2006-02-20T03:28:00.000-05:00

Well, interesting is one word for the last few weeks. Torben has had bronchitis and was inside for 11 days straight...not a good time. I was only sick for a part of that time, but spent much of the rest of it hibernating with him. Yuck. But all is well now health wise. He's not up all night coughing any more and we're not going stir crazy in our little apartment!

But I think I've begun to realize that I'm in the midst of learning something big. It's been a rough few weeks for me, culture shock and major league doubting whether we're in the right place, wondering why I don't feel excited about things, wondering why God feels so far away. Just basically wondering and being pretty miserable.

A few days ago, I was getting more and more frustrated. Not understanding anything, the internet at the base wouldn't work (not an unusual occurence), and my husband was sick and grumpy. I went home and climbed into bed and pulled the covers over my head, hoping that somehow the world would just disappear. It didn't, but I started to see some things clearer. I was only looking at the dark and frustrating sides of life. Only looking at the DTS through negative eyes. Only looking at Kiev through negative eyes. And being a naturally melancholy person, I do that a lot.

Then, yesterday was church. The pastor was talking about keeping Jesus as supreme in our lives and I realized that I was keeping my feelings as supreme. My feelings of culture shock and insecurity were running me, not my desire to serve Jesus. I also read an email from a very wise friend who reminded me that it's often in the dark times that we're closest to God, even though we can't feel it. And I suppose it's true. I've been crying out a lot to God, even though it has felt like his only answer has been silence. But maybe in my dwelling in melancholia, I haven't been able to hear him even if he was trying to speak to me.

I can't say that I've got it all figured out. And I still tend to dwell in the negative when I should be looking for positive. But I'm learning. I want to have Jesus as supreme in my life. I'm really far from being perfect (another thing I've seen a lot these weeks) and as a perfectionist, that drives me crazy, but I really truly want to have a passionate relationship with God. It will probably take me a long time to learn this lesson over and over about the supremacy of Christ in my life, but the important thing is that I'm learning.

Ivan

2006-02-04T15:20:00.000-05:00

This little guy totally stole my heart. I went to the orphan hospital a few days ago with a ministry from our base called Mother's Care. There are lots of babies there with lots of different diseases. Some have physical deformities, some have severe Down's Syndrome, some just have simple colds.

This baby's name is Ivan. He's five months old and is here in the hospital with a pretty bad cold. I picked him up and just held him and talked to him. He was just so adorable and little and so cute! As I played with him, I noticed that he also had a cast on his leg. I have no idea how a baby this little broke his leg.

There's nothing very serious wrong with Ivan, but as I held him, I began to think about his situation. My mom just sent me some pictures of my new little nephews, Lane and Olly. They're just adorable! But as I held Ivan, I thought of the difference between him and my nephews. Lane and Olly have parents who would do anything for them. They have grandparents and plenty of aunts and uncles that would take care of them if anything happened to their parents. Lane and Olly have nothing to worry about. But Ivan has no one. I come into the hospital and the people from Mother's Care come to the orphanages and hold him for a few hours and play with him, but we put him down and go home. We try to help and pour as much love into him as possible, but we're not his parents. He has no one who cares about him. It hurt my heart so much.

Of course I can't save everyone. Even if some wonderful family adopts Ivan, there are thousands like him, and most of them even have physical barriers to having a fully functional life. I'm not trying to be all bleeding heart, but it's something that is heavy on the mind these days. It's such an eye-opening experience to go there and see these babies.

Here we are!

2006-02-04T15:13:00.000-05:00

Hey!

I figured out how to put pictures on my blog! Cool! Actually, Torben showed me how, but close enough.

So this is us a few weeks ago at the Riis Jensen home in Denmark for Christmas!

A glimpse of the future...

2006-02-01T11:39:00.000-05:00

Hello!

I have received a glimpse into my future. (kind of). This week, there has been a Writer's Seminar here at the base, so I've been learning all sorts of things about writing techniques and all of that. There have been a lot of non-YWAMers here and two of them made me see what life may look like for me years down the road. A Danish man who is a missionary in Hungary came up to Kiev for this seminar with his sixteen year old daughter, Elizabeth. Not a very Danish name, I noticed, so I commented on it. Lo and behold, her mother is American! Torben and I have met our first other Danish-American couple and I got a glimpse of what my children may look a bit like someday.
I have to admit, I was a bit surprised. Oh, she's beautiful, but everything about her is Danish. Bright blue eyes, high cheekbones, even the way she dresses! She looks like a Dane! Which is perfectly all right, wonderful! Danish people are lovely. But, she's half American and doesn't look it at all!! She actually looks very similar to one of Torben's friends in Copenhagen. I commented to her father about how Danish she looks and he laughed, saying that the younger daughter looks exactly like her mother, so maybe I have some hope of the American genes coming through :)
But seriously, this Writer's Seminar has been so cool. I've learned a whole lot about writing, but also from personal conversations with the speaker, Janice Rogers. She is one of the YWAM "head honchos". Her brother is Loren Cunningham, who started YWAM, so she's been a part of it from the beginning. So, I was a little intimidated at first, since she's one of those power women. But, she's very real and down to earth, so I've been able to talk to her about life in missions, leading DTS's, etc. It's been really cool.

Oh, by the way, Torben has a new blog (in English now!) Check it out! www.torbenriisjensen.blogspot.com

Toodles!

It's not wrong, it's just different

2006-01-28T10:29:00.000-05:00

First you see something that is very very foreign to you and you don't understand it. Then you see more and more and more of that. Then your head starts to pound. Your heart starts to flutter like a cornered animal. Suffocation starts to set in. It gets to the point where your head starts to feel like it will explode. You start to contemplate all the ways you can escape the foreignness around you. Desperation takes over. And then you realize what's happening. Culture shock. To the extreme.

IT'S NOT WRONG, IT'S JUST DIFFERENT!!!!

That's my mantra. I learned it on DTS when I first experienced it rooming with people of other cultures. And I've repeated it many many times since then. These past few days have been full of repeating that phrase. Of course, that doesn't refer to some of the harmful things in place here - the way some orphanages are run, certain laws and mindsets that are harmful. But it does refer to some ways of doing things that are so foreign to me. Just because it's not the way we do it in America doesn't make it wrong. Wow, is that hard to get through my head. But I'm learning slowly. Maybe by the time I'm old and gray and have been a missionary for 50 years, I'll understand - It's not wrong, it's just different.

Dead people in the doorway

2006-01-24T07:36:00.000-05:00

Yes, dead people in the doorway. We have some strange experiences here in Kiev, but the strangest happened the other day. It's been major subzero temperatures here in Ukraine these days (more about that later), so one morning, when Torben and I needed some bread, we went back and forth about who would go down to the store to get some. He lost, so he was off to Forshet. About 15 minutes later, he returned with a very strange look on his face. Here's the story.

He had gone down the elevator and out the door of our apartment building and there, lying about 5 feet from the doorway, was a coffin with a dead old lady in it! People were standing around the coffin holding pictures of her. We don't know how she died, but we heard from Viktor, one of the Ukrainians here, that she must have lived in our building and died the night before. I guess they do the whole coffin in the doorway thing as part of the Russian Orthodox tradition. So now, every time I go out of the doorway, I'm afraid of seeing dead people.

Now, speaking of the cold, you know it's cold when...

1) You step out of the door and your everything in your nose freezes
2) Your fingers and toes are numb with cold while you're sitting under a blanket in your apartment
3) The gas in the base van freezes
4) Everything in your fridge is frozen solid
5) There's a thick layer of ice on the windows of the buses
6) In a city of 3 million people, space heaters are completely sold out

With temperatures around (including windchill) - 21 Fahrenheit (around -28 Celsius), Kiev has been COOOOOOLD!!! Something like 27 people have died from the cold in Ukraine alone. Russia has numbers up in the 70s. Insanely cold. And not a space heater in sight. But finally, yesterday, Laura, one of the ladies here on the base, loaned us an extra space heater they had. So, we're fine here. Thankfully, it's going to get warmer here in the next week or so. Up to 20 F.

One last thing I want to tell you about, on a more serious note. I went to an orphan hospital last Friday with one of the ministries here. It was a truly heartbreaking experience. It's these babies who just lie in their cribs all day. Two of them had Down's Syndrome, so it's very doubtful someone will adopt them. The others mostly just had bad colds. But there was a lifelessness to their eyes, something I've seen before in the abandoned babies my parents fostered for a while. No one has ever loved them. They don't focus on your face when you hold them. And they cry and cry when you put them down. As I was holding them, I thought of the Bible reading we did in the 3 month Bible school I went to in Malaysia (SBSCC) and how many times God told his people to take care of widows and orphans. These sick little babies (and the millions around the world like them) were who he was talking about. It broke my heart to see them and to know that most of them will not ever be adopted. In Ukraine, a parent can abandon their baby, but still have rights to them, so the child cannot be adopted out. So, there are millions of babies without a hope of having a loving family. They have a very hard life ahead of them. It's so very very sad. I know that going there once a week and holding them for two hours isn't doing much, but if somehow they get the sense that someone cares, that Jesus loves them, it's something.

So, there's my life this past week in a nutshell for you. More adventures to come!

More adventures of daily life

2006-01-19T05:59:00.000-05:00

SNOW!!

We're covered in snow here in Kiev. Lots and lots of it. They're not too big on plows here, so the roads are a mess. But it's okay. The world is white and that's always a good time.

CHEESE REBEL!!

For those of you who may not know, Torben is an anti-cheese fanatic, extremely orthodox. I have cooperated with this by not eating too much cheese during our time together, but I finally came to the end of my endurance. I missed cheese. So, one time as I wandered the aisles of Forshet, the grocery store in our building, I spotted a package of lovely cheese and promptly bought it. I was encountered with much persecution from my husband when I got back upstairs. Whines like "I thought you loved me" and "How can you do this to me" filled our little apartment, but after much struggle, I won! The cheese is hidden in a tupperware box in our fridge and I eat it on the sly, but I have my cheese!! Yummy!!

ENGLISH CLASS

And now, to the slightly more serious stuff. We joined a team that runs an English club in a local school yesterday. It was truly a great time. The teenagers (grades 10 and 11) know a lot of English, so it was discussion and correcting grammar and playing games. We played several of the games I learned in Danish classes that are good for practicing the language. It was truly a great time. But what I'm most excited about is that Amy (one of the other leaders, from Oregon) and I are going to start meeting with the girls at other times just to hang out and do girly things together. That way, we can actually make friends with them. We can possibly do different studies on being a woman and finding your identity and all of that. One reason I'm really looking forward to doing those studies is because of something I read the other day. There was a brochure for the family ministries that YWAM Kiev runs on a table here and Torben and I flipped through it to see what the ministry was all about. This brochure said some horrifying statistics about abortion in Ukraine. Abortion is the main form of birth control and on average, a woman has 8-12 abortions in her lifetime! 8 to 12 abortions, ON AVERAGE! All of those babies. A few Ukrainians were standing nearby and they confirmed what the brochure was saying, even mentioning a few friends and family members they knew had had abortions. So, if Amy and I can get to know these few girls from the English club and even just talk about love, relationships, sex, etc. in a godly way, it would be well worth it.
I'll wrap up for now. Today's Torben's birthday (!!!!) and we're planning on going out to celebrate at (where else) McDonalds! And then, we'll head into the city. See ya!

Borsch heaven!

2006-01-15T09:35:00.000-05:00

We got to the internet cafe after a nice morning of church and lunch with some people we met there. And I finally got to have borsch again. What is that, you may ask? I'm glad you did. It's a delicious, DELICIOUS beet soup, a specialty of Ukraine. It looked a bit iffy to me the first time I saw it, but it's so so so so so good. I've missed it in my year away from Ukraine. Having it again was a great experience.

Torben and I rented an apartment here in Kiev! It was the third apartment we looked at on our first day here. While we were looking at it the first time, Torben decided to open a little door that leads out to a very old balcony type of thing that I'm not sure I trust. When he went to close the door again, he wasn't quite sure it was completely shut, so he leaned against it a bit to make sure. A very loud CRASH was heard and we all turned to see that, lo and behold, the window on the door had shattered completely! What an impression to make on our future landlord!!

But, we got the apartment anyways (the window's fixed now) and have spent the last three days doing some heavy duty cleaning. Torben spent two days scrubbing the toilet area. It's starting to look really really good, though. It's getting cozy for us and it's amazing to have a place of our very own. We've gone from my parents' house to Torben's parents' house to our friends' basement, so it's our first place! So exciting!!

Random story - The other day, we came to the Venetsia, the houseboat where the main base is located, and we met this missionary from Atlanta, GA named Jeff. He works with another organization. We started talking to him and soon discovered that he has 10 children! 10!! Two sets of twins under the age of 3! He has been a pretty successful businessman in Atlanta, then God called them to Ukraine, so they sold everything and here they are! Craziness! But cool.

On that note, I will close up this with a shoutout to my new friend, Inge. She's the only other Dane we have met in YWAM and she's been here in Kiev for 3 years. So Torben has someone to speak Danish with. Tonight, she bought pizza and invited Torben and I over to eat with her. A bunch of others joined us and it was a very hyggelig (cozy) time :) Yay, Inge!

The loooooooong journey

2006-01-10T10:04:00.000-05:00

In Ukraine at last! After quite an eventful few days, we arrived in Kiev. Let's start at the beginning. We got up, loaded up the car, and were on the road by 7:30am on Saturday. Now, bear in mind that we have all of our luggage for a year or two's stay in Kiev plus Inger, Gunnar, Merete, Torben and I. Talk about squishy. When we got to the bus station an hour away, we couldn't find the bus stop. Finally, the Eurolines bus pulled in, we wished the family goodbye, and we were off. We travelled south and the more people that got on the bus, the more I noticed the subtle shift from hearing Danish all around me to hearing German. After 7 hours or so, we arrived in Berlin, Germany. COLD is the main adjective of our stay in Berlin. It was colder there than it has been in Kiev so far. COLD!!! But very interesting. We found our train station, put our baggage in storage, and went to explore the city. Cool thing - I had no idea Torben could speak so much German. He always says he only knows a bit, but there he was, carrying on conversations with people! Of course, I was completely lost, but I'm used to that feeling by now.
My one goal during the time in Berlin was to see where the Wall used to be. We went to Brandenburger Tor, this monument right next to the Parliament, where all of the celebration happened when the Wall fell, so we knew we were close. After asking four or five people, we found some bricks in the road that ran the whole length of where the Wall seperating East and West Germany had been. Such an amazing thing for a history fan like me to see.
And now, the fun stuff. The train. We boarded the train at 9:45 pm on Saturday and were immediately pushed into Eastern Europe, back to the place where NOBODY speaks a word of English, but they are very content to keep speaking Russian to you, even when they know you can't understand. At least the word for passport is the same in English and Russian. And at least they couldn't question us when we came to the Ukrainian border 20 hours later. Yes, I said 20. A total of 25 hours in the very Soviet Union style train, bringing the grand total of travel time to 40 hours Herning to Kiev. Craziness. I'm still tired.
A few random stories - my mother called about 15 hours into the journey to tell us that my sister Dana had her baby. Olly Michael is my newest little nephew. I've heard he's very cute and very tiny. I can't wait to see pictures. Another story - it turned out that the restaurant in the train was closed, so we lived on chips and candy for 25 hours...believe me, we were HUNGRY by the time we got here.
So that was our insanely long journey. I have more stories to tell - bearded Russian ladies and Torben breaking windows - but those will have to wait for another time. Vi ses!!

My first words in cyberspace

2006-01-05T18:33:00.000-05:00

I've finally joined the world of blogs! Yes, maybe a long time after everyone else, but still...I'll start out with some randomness from today. This was the last day that the Christmas tree was up in the Riis Jensen household, where Torben and I are staying for just one more day before leaving for Ukraine. On the Christmas tree, they have real candles lit, giving the room a nice glow when it's dark out. When they lit the candles the first time around Christmas Eve, I was sure the tree would catch fire, but it didn't. Tonight's bit of randomness is that we gave the candles one last lighting as we ate cake for Torben's pre-birthday party. As they burned down, we each picked a candle that we bet would be the last to burn out. The evening wore on, and soon we were all gathered around the tree, anxiously staring at our candles, hoping that our choice had been correct. Gunnar's candle was the first to die, followed shortly by Inger's. Then, my hope bit the dust as my little candle died. It was down to Merete and Torben. The air was tense as we studied the two remaining candles. Who would survive? Who would be the reigning candle champion? It looked for a moment like Torben's was about to disappear, then it made a powerful comeback, not to be outdone by the little sister's candle. Sure enough, Merete was defeated and my husband was dubbed the champion of candle picking. I believe that story was worthy of my first blog ever :)